In the Throes of Child Care Decision-Making Hell

With this new job (that I'll start the week of November 11th) comes the ability to put Jordyn into a group child care setting. This is something that I've been wanting for her, because I think she'll thrive in a group setting - she's very social and interactive, and she loves being around other kids. Plus, we all know how... challenging... it's been for me having my parents as Jordyn's main child care providers. So, I'm currently in the throes of child care decision-making hell.

I'm the kind of person who, at least for this kind of major decision, researches ad nauseum. I can't even tell you how many hours in the past two weeks or so I've spent online finding and researching all kinds of child care options near me, or how many places I've called to ask if they have availability and other questions about their program. I have pages and pages of notes, and (don't laugh)... a spreadsheet. Jordyn and I have visited seven places, with one more to go (a center; although it's not really a good option as it's not physically convenient, but I want to see it anyway to compare), and we're going back for a second visit at one place tomorrow. One place doesn't really count as a group setting; it was meeting a mom who's going to stay home with her daughter who's one month minus a day younger than Jordyn, and who is looking for one child to care for a few days a week for her daughter to have a playmate and to make a little cash. I really liked the mom and baby and I think Jordyn would be fine with them, but I really think I'd rather her be in a more regulated group setting.

Anyway... I'm confusing myself. I can barely keep track anymore (hence the spreadsheet!). I have three places that I'd be very comfortable sending Jordyn, although none is perfect. I'm not looking for perfection, because that's unrealistic. I'm looking for somewhere where Jordyn will be both safe and happy, but other than that, I'm not sure I really know what my priorities are. Or, maybe it's more that I can't decide what they *should* be. This is one time when I really wish I had a partner - to help me make this decision. It just feels like such a huge decision, and I wish I had someone to whom I could say, "What do YOU think?", and with whom I could talk it through.

Of my top choices, two are home daycares, and one is a center, which seems kind of weird in and of itself - that I can't even seem to narrow it down to home versus center. The two home daycares I'm considering are both very good, licensed for up to 10 kids with a main caregiver and an assistant. Both have plenty of space, lots of windows, and are in dedicated areas for the daycare, as opposed to actually being in the living area of someone's home. One is in the downstairs unit of a two-family house, and the main caregiver and her family live upstairs. The other is in the basement of a house, but it was built and designed specifically for the daycare, and has full-length windows and a door going directly out to a nice backyard.

The thing is, I think a home daycare could be a very good fit for Jordyn... right now. I like that there's a mix of ages, with some kids older than her and some younger. I like that they provide all the food - breakfast, lunch, and two snacks a day. There's something to be said for that kind of convenience! I like that they feel "homey" and you can sense a certain warmth in them. These are people who truly love young kids and who have taken on the intense job of taking care of them long hours each day. These two daycares also have both been in operation for a long time (13 and 21 years), and the staff really seem to care about the children in their care. The places are clean, there are plenty of toys, they will both accommodate the hours I need, and they'll both accommodate Jordyn not eating red meat or pork. They both seem to have great groups of kids currently, and I could see Jordyn fitting right in. They both came highly recommended, one by a mom or two (who I don't know) from a local online parent group, and one from someone I know from volunteering at Camp Sunshine, who currently has her 6-month-old there part time.

The kicker is, I only think a home daycare will be the right thing for Jordyn for so long. While they'll keep kids until they go to kindergarten, the vast majority of parents pull their kids out at 3 or so to go to preschool. That means that in about two years (if not less), I'd have to start this process all over again - trying to find the right preschool for Jordyn that also has a spot for her that is also convenient enough for me and that also has the right hours for my work schedule. Ugh! Plus the fact that it would be another transition for Jordyn. I'd so much rather find a center now - that I like - that has different classrooms for different age kids all the way up through preschool/pre-K, and she'd stay there until going into kindergarten. There's something to be said for that kind of convenience!

The center I like is on the grounds of a hospital that's right around the corner from my house. It's primarily for children of hospital employees, but when there's space available, it opens up to the community. Now, it does happen to be a psychiatric hospital, and it does happen to be a place where my brother has been inpatient... But I'm not going to let that be part of my decision-making process. The kids don't have contact with patients; it's not like they're having holiday parties together (I specifically asked this question). Occasionally a patient who's walking the grounds with his her or her counselor may stop by the fence of the playground (totally fenced in) and say hi to the kids, but that's it. And that's fine with me.

It's a smallish center, licensed for about 45 kids in four different classrooms - infants, young toddlers, older toddlers, and preschool/pre-K. They used to have infants and young toddlers in the same room, but they just changed the age ranges and created a separate young toddler room, which is where Jordyn would be. The reasoning was that having tiny babies doing tummy time and older babies/young toddlers just learning to walk in the same room wasn't working so well, and their waiting list for infants was their longest one, so this change enabled them to take some infants off the waiting list. Since the young toddler room is so new, there are only two kids in it, but it can have up to nine when it's full, with two teachers. Because it just opened either the end of last month or the beginning of this one, they don't have a teacher hired for it yet, but this is in progress. It's currently being led by one of the float teachers. So, I wasn't able to meet the actual teacher Jordyn would have, and if she starts before the teacher, that will be another transition. But, I think once Jordyn's into the swing of things there, she wouldn't have too much trouble getting to know a new person.

When Jordyn and I visited, I liked the director a lot. She was friendly, addressed Jordyn right away, knew all the kids by name in all the classrooms, and sat on the floor with me in what would be Jordyn's room (so she could play) and took the time to answer all of my questions. She and the float teacher both said the center feels like "a big home daycare", because everyone knows everyone, and it feels like a big family. That has stuck with me, because I liked it - it kind of combines what I like about the home daycare environment with the longevity of a center. All of the rooms are connected to each other on one side of a hallway. Some of the doorways were closed only with gates, so the rooms are literally open to each other, which means lots of oversight. I like that. And I think it kind of contributes to the feel of being like one big family, which I also like. Some of the teachers in the center have significant longevity - 20+ years, and all have at least an associates degree, if not a bachelor's or master's.

The center doesn't provide any food, at least for the young toddlers. They may for the older kids, but I don't remember what the director said, so I need to clarify that. It would be SO nice not to have to get breakfast and lunch ready for her every day, and pack up lunch and snacks with ice packs to keep things cold. They do have a microwave, but no fridge, so the ice packs are a necessity. It just seems like such a pain in the ass to have to deal with the food, especially since I'm no cook! Plus the time it will take. Am I really going to have to feed her breakfast before getting us both out the door in time to drop her at 7am (likely, but I have to see how long it ends up taking me to get to work in rush hour - I'm not used to that!; it could end up being slightly later)?? I'm hoping even if they don't provide breakfast they can at least feed it to her if I provide it, but I have to ask about that. But really, am I going to make whether or not food is provided a deal-breaking issue when trying to choose the right place for my child? That seems crazy.

There's a door in the classroom that opens directly to the playground, so no having to have each kid hold on to a loop on a rope (or, in the case of one horrific center we visited, tie the loops around each kid's wrist; the young toddler room in that center also had absolutely NO windows and was small and cramped!). The playground is a little small, but has plenty of age- and developmentally-appropriate play structures and riding toys, and the ground is sand so it won't be a hard place to land. There's a separate playground for the older kids. I liked that I noticed a picture of each kid's family posted on the wall at the kids' eye level in one area of the classroom.

Our visit to this center was kind of rushed because I had to get home to where my dad had come to pick up Jordyn, and I had to get to work. It was also the second place we visited (after that horrific one first), and I've since come up with a whole second list of questions. So, we're going back for a second visit tomorrow.

I do think I'm leaning towards the center. I like the longevity, I like the oversight, and I like that when Jordyn's older, she won't end up as the oldest kid in her room with a bunch of much younger kids. I do plan to ask about a longterm teacher for the room - whether or not they've identified one and when she may be starting, and also if they have any idea when the number of kids in the room may grow. With only two kids in there now, Jordyn would be the third, and the oldest, although not by much. I also plan to ask how they handle conflict, both between kids and when a kid isn't responding appropriately to an adult. The director has asked a few current and past parents if they'd mind being references for me, and she's going to give me their contact info when she gets the ok. I also have a friend who knows someone who has a child in the center currently, and I contacted her by email. We may also talk on the phone to go into more detail, but she gave a pretty positive review of the center in her email. She said her son loves being there, and doesn't want to leave at the end of each day. My aunt, who's a director of a childcare/preschool in Vermont, said that's "huge". The mom also said the teachers have always been nurturing, caring, and amazing, and that safety has never been a concern. I think *that's* huge! Another parent I found on a list serve said she'd visited the center and ended up enrolling her child elsewhere, partly due to the fact that she felt it was too structured without enough "exploratory play". I plan to investigate this, to see if that's still how it is, because it's been about four years since she was there, and there's a new director since then. I do think young kids need a lot of free play, because that's how they learn best, and how they learn to be good learners.

Soooo... what am I missing? What questions should I ask that I've missed? What are your thoughts on home- versus center-based child care? That is, assuming a group setting is your priority in the first place; I know some of my fellow bloggers have nannies or nanny-shares, which is another perfectly valid way to go, just not my preference (although I reserve the right to change my mind at any time!). Everyone says to go with my gut, but here's the thing... My gut says any of these three places would be a safe, fun place for Jordyn. I really do think she'd be happy at any of them, and my two top priorities are her safety and her happiness. What my gut isn't telling me is how to make the decision in terms of the *other* factors - food being provided or not, the longevity issue, etc. That's where I'm stuck. Although if our visit tomorrow at the center goes well, and the answers to my questions are what I'm looking for, I do think it'll be a done deal. Is that my gut talking???