*I wrote this post on October 1st, thought I posted it, and just realized it's been sitting here in "draft" mode this whole time. Ugh! Oh well, here it is, late, when I was just about to update on this situation...
I'm SO pissed off!!!
Wait, let me back up and start somewhere near the beginning...
About two months ago, I found out that there were two part-time positions opening up in my department at the hospital where I work. One was in a satellite location in the town next to mine, which would mean an easy commute and free parking. After a little number crunching with the help of a friend who's good at that type of thing, I was sold! I would be able to make it work financially (barely), so I decided to "carpe diem", and spend more time at home with Jordyn while she's young, figuring I could go back to working full time when she's in school full time. I immediately applied and went through the interview process.
And then had to wait almost two solid weeks due to some key people being on vacation to find out whether or not I got the job.
I didn't.
I was up against a colleague of mine who also worked in the emergency department (ED). Apparently, it was very close - we both interviewed very well (and I'd felt good after my interviews, too), even answered some questions similarly, and it was the hardest decision between two internal candidates my boss has ever seen. They ended up having to come up with some sort of tie breaker, and so that became the fact that while we both talked about teamwork, working as part of a team, etc., the other candidate made one specific comment that I did not. It had to do with helping the team with the transition from working with one child life specialist to two, and anything she could do to help with that transition (this used to be one full time position that just got split in half). Dumbest fucking tie breaker I've ever heard. They could have taken into account things like the fact that I used to be a special education teacher, and have experience working with kids with autism and other special needs, or that I used to be a board certified behavior analyst, and have experience working with kids with behavioral challenges - that the other candidate doesn't have, and that are relevant to the job. But whatever, I didn't get the job.
I was SO upset. I mean, not only was I excited about the position and would have likely really enjoyed the work, but it would have meant many positive changes in both my and Jordyn's lives. Things like no more working until midnight, being home for dinner and bedtime every night, no more having to sleep at my parents house 2-3 nights every week, being able to put Jordyn into some sort of group childcare setting, no longer having to deal with my parents as her childcare providers, and just having a lot more consistency in both of our lives. That's something I've been really craving lately.
When my boss called to tell me I didn't get the job, she asked me if I'd be interested in interviewing for the second part-time position. It was well past the initial deadline she'd set for letting her know if you were interested in it, so I wasn't even planning to bring it up. But since she asked me, I told her that yes, I was very interested. It's not quite as enticing as the first position, in that it's at the main hospital downtown, which means a pain in the ass commute, and either having to (pay to) park offsite and take a shuttle or deal with public transportation. It also involves working every other Saturday, where the other position was all weekdays. But I do think I'd enjoy the work, and the schedule is much better than what I deal with now.
One candidate, C, had already applied for the position, and she'd recently covered the original person's maternity leave (who was now going down to 20 hours/week). So, the staff on the unit knew her, and knew her work, and really liked her. They were already ready to offer her the job, but my boss asked them if they'd be interested in considering me as a second candidate. The reason was that C is really looking for and needing a full-time position. She was going to take this as a foot-in-the-door position, but it was pretty clear that she would leave for a full-time position as soon as one opened up, and here I was, looking for a part-time position, and I was a good, internal candidate.
They agreed to interview me, so I again went through that whole process. I should have been a shoe-in. I have over nine years of experience, where C is a recent grad whose only experience is covering a few maternity leaves over the past year or so. I again thought my interviews went very well.
Apparently they did, but somehow not well enough. See, once the announcement was made that my colleague in the ED was moving to the other position, C pulled herself out of the running for this second position and said she wanted to apply for the position my colleague vacated in the ED. Which left me as the only candidate for the second part-time position. I finally spoke to my boss today, who filled me in on that news, and told me that the nurse manager on the unit wants to interview other candidates. The thing is, it's NOT that I'm being told I didn't get the job. I'm not being told I DID get the job, either. I'm being told that the interview process will continue, because the nurse manager wants to have other candidates to compare me to. She apparently said that she doesn't know me beyond my interview, and that she just wants to be able to see what else other candidates could offer.
This is total bullshit. It never happens like this. It just doesn't. Internal candidates always get the job, even if there's only one of them. If she doesn't know me beyond my interview, she's not going to know external candidates any better! WTF??
What kills me, is that I spoke to my boss for over 30 minutes today, and repeatedly asked her in every way I could think of if there had been any feedback about my interviews that led the nurse manager to make the decision to want to interview other people. But there is none. NONE. Every single little bit of feedback, from every single person I interviewed with, was positive. There's not one shred of evidence as to why I wouldn't make a good fit for the position, or any red flags, or anything I said or did not say in any of my interviews (with 7 or 8 people) to explain this. To make it make the slightest bit of sense.
I would rather there be an explanation that's rational as to why they're not just offering me the position. That I didn't talk about x, y, or z, or that the person I'd be job sharing with didn't feel as though we'd work well together, or that my expectations for the position didn't fit with what I'd be doing, or whatever. But this total nonsense about how my interviews were all great, but the nurse manager wants to compare me to other people... WTF?! She doesn't even know what I do. See, in my hospital, child life specialists are dual-reporting. We're under both the child life director, and the nurse manager of whatever unit we work on. We're under each unit's nursing budget, so while the nurse managers pay our salaries, they don't have any expertise in child life themselves. But, since they pay our salaries, they get a very big say in which candidate is hired into a position. It's stupid. Totally ridiculous system.
My boss (by which I mean the child life director) met with the nurse manager today, and told her how great I am. How I have all this experience, I'm very good at what I do, gave examples, etc., and the nurse manager wouldn't budge. She wants to interview other candidates, which means external candidates, since there are no more internal ones. So here we go. I have to wait, again, while other people come in for interviews, to finally find out whether or not I'll be offered the job.
But even if I am, it feels bad. My boss said it's not personal, but you know what? It sure as hell feels like it is! If I do get offered the job, I'm going to feel like the lesser of two evils. Like I'm the best they could get, but I'm not really that good, or good enough. Because if I was that good, they'd be offering me the job now! Why the nurse manager can't just trust my boss when she says how good I am makes no sense to me. She'd rather bring in external candidates who no one can vouch for, who no one knows, and no one knows their work? It's such bullshit. A friend of mine said that maybe there some unspoken (read: illegal) reason as to why the nurse manager doesn't want to hire me (ie. being a single mom with potential child care issues, or something), and it makes me wonder if that could be true. Because it just doesn't make sense any other way.
I could pull my name out of the running. But there are no more part-time jobs available, and there may not be for a very long time. There are no other positions available at all right now. As much I want to leave my name in, but then pull it out as soon as they come back to me saying "Never mind, you're great, we saw what else is out there, and we want you!", just out of spite, I won't do it. I'm not that kind of person, and it's totally unprofessional, but I won't lie - the thought is in my head! Plus, I really do want the job. It's the best thing for me and Jordyn right now, and that's really all that matters, right?
I just hope they do come running back. I'm just SO fucking pissed off right now!!!
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