Searching for Mommyhood: What a Crappy Morning!

This morning was a total shit show.

Well, it started out ok. Jordyn slept while I got up and got ready for work, and woke up literally as I was walking into her room to wake her up. Perfect timing!

As soon as we got in the car to leave for school and work, I took my phone out of my pocket to put it in my purse. I happened to look at it, and saw that there was a text from Jordyn's teacher that had been sent at 7:07, saying she was running about 10 minutes late. It was now about 7:20-7:25 and it takes us about 3 minutes to get there, so I figured it would be fine. I texted her that we were on our way. The kicker is, there's no reason she should be running late - it's a home daycare; she lives upstairs!! It's not like she could be stuck in traffic or anything. She ended up saying that their power had gone out, and that she didn't know how she had woken up. She should use her phone as her alarm clock, because it'll work even if the power goes out. Probably should've mentioned that to her, but I didn't.

So we got there, and went down the driveway and down the steps to the door to the daycare which is in the back of the house. The door was locked and the lights were off. I was pretty pissed, because her hours are 7:00-6:00, so 10 minutes late would be 7:10, right? It was almost 7:30! I really needed to leave for work, and I don't like to just drop Jordyn off and leave right away. I prefer to spend 5-10 minutes helping her settle in - she has a hard enough time with me leaving as it is. I also wanted to tell M (her teacher) a couple of things like that she has a little bit of a cold, etc.

I put Jordyn down since she's heavy and there are all kinds of outdoor toys she could play with while we're waiting. There's a patio right outside the door, and then a grassy (well, snowy right now!) area where the kids play in warmer weather. The patio is great for riding and push toys. We kicked a ball around for a few minutes, and then Jordyn started to push around some of the wheeled things. She managed to lose her balance and fall, hitting her mouth on the handle of a plastic play lawnmower. I didn't think she'd hit that hard at first, but she started to cry, and then I saw blood. She'd hit hard enough that I think her tooth cut the inside of her lip. So now I'm already pissed because M is late, I'm going to be late for work as it is, and now Jordyn is hurt, bleeding, crying, and I don't even have a tissue on me to wipe the blood, her nose, or her tears because I leave everything in the car when I drop her off. Awesome.

We went back up the stairs so I could get a tissue or napkin out of the car, and we saw M, who was coming back from walking her family's dog. I immediately got even more frustrated, because why couldn't her husband, grown daughter (who's the assistant teacher 3 days/week) or grown son who all live in the house walk the dog when she was late for work?? Seriously? I'm going to be late for work, and Jordyn got hurt while we were waiting for her, because she was walking the dog? Ridiculous! I asked her why someone else couldn't have walked the dog, and she apologized, but didn't answer the question. I mean, I realize I don't know her family's dynamics or how they divide up household chores, but on a day when she was so late to work (in her own house!), she could have had someone help her out, right? Later, I saw that she'd texted me back that she was walking the dog and would be "back in a few" right after I said we were on our way, but I didn't see it because I was driving. She texted again saying "coming back now be right there" at exactly 7:30, but by then I was already down the stairs with Jordyn and my phone was in my car.

I cleaned Jordyn up with napkins from the car, and M kind of tried to help, but Jordyn only wanted me. Eventually M disappeared, and it turned out she'd gone inside to unlock the door to the daycare and turn on the lights. Once I realized Jordyn wasn't hurt too badly and didn't need sutures or anything, I took her back downstairs. M got a cold teether out of the fridge and we started trying to get Jordyn to let us put it on her lip. M kept trying to take Jordyn since she knew I needed to leave, but Jordyn was upset and clinging to me.

So now I'm already going to be late because M was so late, and Jordyn is hurt and wants and needs her mommy, and I only want to be there to comfort her, but I really have to get to work. I did spend a few minutes holding her and trying to settle her down, but I did have to leave while she was still pretty upset. She wasn't screaming bloody murder, but she wasn't happy. She always gets upset when I leave, sometimes more than others, but she always stops as soon as I'm out of sight. Today, though, was different, because she wasn't just upset about me leaving, she was also hurt. It just felt like one of those times when mommy should have been able to be there for her, to hold her and comfort her for as long as she needed me, and I couldn't do it. I almost cried on the way to work.

The thing is, I wasn't upset because Jordyn got hurt; kids fall and get hurt, and this won't be the last time something like this happens. I was upset because of the circumstances - she wouldn't have gotten hurt if M hadn't been so late to work in her own house, because then Jordyn and I wouldn't have been playing outside while we were waiting for her. Jordyn's injury just made me even more upset than I already was about M being so late. When I left, I told M to let me know if Jordyn didn't end up calming down pretty quickly, because I may turn around and come back and get her. When I got to work, she'd texted a few times, saying Jordyn had settled down and was sipping milk and letting her put the cold pack on her lip, which was a little swollen. She also apologized a couple of times and sent a picture of Jordyn (sort of smiling), and then said she was happy and laughing and playing with one of the other kids. So, I guess there's that.

And then there was traffic on my way to work, more than usual, which turned out to be from an accident that was being cleared. And then maybe an hour after I got to work, I got a disappointing phone call. I'm planning to hopefully sell my house and buy a new one in the next few months, and I went to an open house yesterday for a house that I really loved. It had almost everything I'm looking for, and I could just see us there, you know? There was a paper displayed at the open house that said offers would be accepted until Tuesday at noon, but my realtor had told me the deadline was Monday at 6pm. He was looking into the discrepancy for me, and called to tell me that the paper was a mistake and the deadline was today at 6. I had to work until 4, and couldn't even get to the house until around 5:30. I wanted to see it again because I'd been in a rush yesterday and only got to spend a few minutes there. In the market around here lately, houses tend to receive multiple offers, and often over the asking price. There's no way the house will still be available tomorrow, and there was no way I could get an offer in on time tonight. I also couldn't get in touch with the guy who pre-approved me because he was out of the office today, and I needed some questions answered before I could make an offer, anyway. So, I was bummed out all day about missing out on a fantastic house.