Luck of the Draw?

My sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder yesterday.

Like the crap with my brother wasn't enough?! I mean, I know it's genetic, and there's mental illness on both sides of my family, so it's not like it's one in a million for both of them to have it, but still.

I haven't seen my sister (H) too often lately, since she's in school and doing an internship, and I'm busy with work and Jordyn. But apparently she's been acting sort of "off" in the past week or so, just saying and doing uncharacteristic things, and given the experience with my brother, my parents picked up on the signs of mania. It's not as obvious as with my brother (she was more hypomanic, I think), so they weren't totally sure, but they (my mom especially) were concerned. H hadn't been sleeping well lately, so they thought maybe if she could just get a couple of nights of good sleep, she'd snap out of it and be fine. My dad gave her some ambien to help her sleep. I'm not sure if she ever took it - maybe one night?

Then yesterday, when my parents were on the first day of a two day/one night trip to Rhode Island with friends, H's girlfriend decided H needed to go to the hospital. She, of course, didn't want to go. Actually, she called me when Jordyn and I were in the car when I'd just picked her up from school, and we were on the way to the grocery store. She was upset, crying, and asked for my brother's phone number. Weird, because she should have already had it, but whatever. Thing was, I was driving and on the phone, so I couldn't give it to her right then. I told her I'd text her when we got to the grocery store (in like 2-3 minutes), but she said she was just going to call mom. I really didn't want her to do that, since my mom had texted me maybe 20 minutes earlier saying she'd just found out that her cousin passed away yesterday. She'd had complications from major surgery recently, and was in the hospital, so it wasn't a complete surprise, but my mom thought she'd been doing better. So, yeah, yesterday was just a shitty day all around, pretty much.

Anyway, H told me that her girlfriend wanted to take her to the hospital, and that she didn't want to go. She was crying, and said she didn't need to go to the hospital, she needed the support of her family who love her and support her right now. Something to that effect. I was, to be honest, totally confused. I didn't know how to respond. Should I try to talk her into going to the hospital? Should I try to just be supportive of her wishes not to go? I didn't really know what was going on in enough detail to feel like I could/should weigh in either way. I only knew what my mom had told me, which wasn't too much or specific, and I hadn't seen my sister recently enough to have experienced it firsthand. I asked her if she'd been sleeping, to which she responded, "not enough". She said she'd take the ambien, do whatever she had to to not go to the hospital. She said she was going to call mom, and since I didn't know what else to do, I just got off the phone and let her do that.

So then later last night, my mom called me to tell me that H's girlfriend had taken her to the (psych) hospital, they'd done an assessment, diagnosed her with bipolar, and admitted her.

Lovely. So now both of my siblings are diagnosed with this horrendous mental illness. Supposedly, if you're diagnosed older than teens/early 20s it's not as bad as when you're diagnosed in that age range (my bro was 17 when he was diagnosed; my sister is 36).

I have issues (don't we all??), but nothing like a significant diagnosis like bipolar. Mild dysthymia, situational depression (like when my bf of 6 weeks shy of 4 years broke up with me out of the blue). I was on a low dose of an antidepressant for many years (mostly because weaning off of it was so hard to do), but I weaned off of it prior to getting pregnant with no issues (the physical side effects of coming off of it sucked, but no emotional/mental health issues). Then I developed fairly significant anxiety issues when I was pregnant, and may or may not have been diagnosed with adjustment disorder towards the end. I never figured out if that was a real diagnosis, or just what the midwives said to get me to be able to cut back on work hours. I almost started Zoloft while still pregnant, but waited until Jordyn was born and started when we were still in the hospital and I'm still on it (again, a low dose). Starting the Zoloft was my preemptive plan to stave off postpartum depression, since I was high risk for it.

So, in the grand scheme of things, I'm fine, and both of my siblings have much more significant issues. Before now, my sister has never had signs of mania, but she's dealt with much more severe depression than I have, including one episode where she went to the ER and was evaluated but wasn't admitted. She was probably as close as you come to being admitted without crossing the line to being admitted. She was pretty damn close to suicidal. She also has anxiety issues and seasonal affective disorder (if that's a real thing). Ugh.

In the midst of all of this, it somehow came up with my mom the other day that I may decide to have a second baby. This wasn't news to her, she was already aware of it, and has never really said she's not supportive of me doing it, but I could tell there was something holding her back from being truly in favor of it. So the other day, she said her only concern is this mental health stuff. And I mean, while I get it - it's concerning - am I really supposed to not have a second child, and complete my family, because of the chance of the child ending up with a mental illness? I mean, Jordyn could have one, and it's too late now!

In my opinion, when you decide to have a child, you do it without knowing what the future holds, but knowing the future could hold all kinds of things for you, your child, your family - good and/or bad. You have to be willing to accept whatever the future holds; if you can't, that's when maybe you shouldn't have a child. Let's face it - mental illness isn't the only thing to worry about, although some people, like me, maybe need to worry about it a bit more than most. I could have a child with a cleft lip/palate, cerebral palsy, spina bifida, severe food allergies, developmental delays, epilepsy, diabetes, dyslexia... you name it! My child could be diagnosed with cancer, die in a car crash, be sexually abused by a teacher or coach... again, you name it! Morbid? Yes, absolutely. Sorry. But not really sorry. It could happen to any of us (and it has)! The conversation with my mom made me think of "The Facts of Life" theme song - "you take the good, you take the bad" (remember that?!). You have to be willing to accept - and deal with - whatever happens in the future. You can't possibly know what the future holds for your child or future child - you have to take it one day at a time. So should I really not have a second child because maybe that child will struggle with mental illness? I don't think so.

Now, the other issues? Financial? Stretched too thin? Can I handle it? Will I be able to provide everything two kids need all by myself? Well... now those are things to think about, long and hard! But the question is there, I admit it... Would I be pushing my luck? I got to somehow be the lucky one in my family... will my luck continue with a second child?