Last Friday, my therapist suggested maybe I should have a consult with a psychiatrist who specializes in pregnancy, to see if maybe I should start taking a pregnancy-approved med.
Today, my therapist suggested that maybe I start seeing her twice a week for a while instead of once.
Wow, seriously? Can't we just all decide to chalk it up to hormones or something?
And, really, why does pregnancy have to SUCK so much? I really wanted to like being pregnant, and I really thought I would. But so far, it is the most miserable thing I have ever experienced.
Yes, I'm complaining. Don't want to hear it? Fine - Don't read my blog.
But I need to be able to put out there what I'm feeling, to get it out of my head and somewhere else. And if it sounds like complaining, then so be it.
Yes, I know there's a positive outcome, I know this won't last forever (but it could last until August, and that currently FEELS like forever), I know there are plenty of people in the world in MUCH worse situations than me and I should be grateful... I KNOW.
But it just doesn't make me feel any better right now, in the moment, when I feel like complete and total SHIT (and now with a cold on top of it all, just for extra fun).
So please just allow me to vent here, and take it for what it's worth (absolutely nothing!). I just need to use this space to vent sometimes... but know that I am absolutely positively HAPPY about this pregnancy, just not how it's making me FEEL.
You go ahead and complain all you want. Some people just don't understand that pregnancy can be a real ordeal for some women - it's not all happy & fun, all of the time. Some women shamed me on my blog when I complained too much about my horrendous morning sickness and it really bugged me. So I say, have at it! It's your blog and you can blog what you want. And if you're in a sucky place right now that's just how it is. I for one know from personal experience that it doesn't mean you're not happy and/or grateful to be pregnant; it just means feeling like crap for weeks on end is really awful. I hope you start to feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteLet me second what wottadoll said. Go ahead and vent! I soo get it. I was so physically miserable while pregnant - it was awful. Anytime I got near a medical professional I'd start to cry. Add weeks and weeks (months and months) of feeling awful and total insomnia, to the hormonal mess of pregnancy, to the fact that it can be really damned hard to be going through all that without a partner, and it really does suck. If people want to judge insead of help or sympathize, so be it.
ReplyDeleteAgain, so sorry. I can say that, for me at least, the misery of pregnancy made the tiring newborn days feel like a walk in the park - really totally wonderful in comparison! Hang in there...
I agree, complain away!
ReplyDeleteIt kind of irks me, actually, that I feel this sort of pressure on blogs to never complain. Because no one else ever complains!
So please, complain away (if you feel the need) and we can all be more honest together!
And about the medical people... I hemorrhaged after Calliope was born, and I felt TERRIBLE. and so every time I would call a midwife to discuss it, I would break down crying, and they would say, really gently,
"is it possible that this could be postpartum depression?"
And I would answer through my sobs, "No, I only cry when I talk to you guys. I'm actually really, really happy. And I'm loving my baby. I just feel AWFUL, physically."
I still feel like they didn't really "get" how bad it was, like they thought my expectations were too high. And they probably were. But seriously, it was awful.
I think it's hard for folks to really "get" how bad it is when they are not the one going through it.
So hang in there, try not to think about August, maybe set shorter term goals?
And get your blood tested sooner rather than later. Pregnancy would've been SOOOOOO much easier for me if I had done this. Turns out the reason that i was exhausted nearly until the end of my second trimester was not that my expectations of pregnancy were too high... I was anemic! As soon as I started taking iron (Floradix is awesome and over the counter liquid stuff!) i felt tons better.
I've wondered that, too - why do some people get so mad when a SMC and/or IF survivor complains about pregnancy (or after)? Just because we're lucky enough to get pregnant and have a baby doesn't mean it's all sweetness and light. Especially for those of you who have miserable pregnancies.
ReplyDeleteI really hope you're feeling better soon!
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