The Hospital

It's been so long now, so I'm not sure how many details I'll remember, but I do want to try to document as much of our hospital course as possible, so I'm going to give this a try...

We spent three nights in the hospital, including the night of Jordyn's birth, and went home on Thursday, August 9th.

It wasn't so bad being in the hospital. It was nice knowing someone was always available to help if I needed it, and having people check in to see how I was doing or if I needed anything. The only thing I really didn't like was the constant interruptions by just about every possible staff member - nurses, PCAs, lact.ation consultants, midwives, Jordyn's pedia.trician, food services, environmental services... They wanted to take my vitals, the baby's vitals, help me with breastfe.eding (which is a whole other post in itself), empty the garbage - you name it. There was even someone who stopped by once each afternoon to offer me a cup of lemonade!

My dad was the first visitor, who arrived around 8:30am or so on Tuesday with flowers for me and some food. My mom had texted and called him right when Jordyn was born, at his request, but he was asleep and somehow managed to not hear his phone. He texted my mom as soon as he woke up and saw the messages, and wanted to come right away to meet Jordyn! My mom was asleep, but I texted him back and told him to come anytime. We were going to go down the hall to the solarium so my mom could keep sleeping, but she woke up when he arrived.

I'd spoken to my sister around 3:30am or so, when she'd gotten my mom's text and called us. I was still in the L&D room, but pretty much everything had been finished up by then, and mom and Jordyn were still in the nursery. Visiting hours are anytime for parents, grandparents, and siblings of the baby, and 1-8pm for everyone else. My sister arrived right at about 1pm! I think my brother came with her, if I remember correctly. My sibs did end up coming after 8pm on one of the nights, but no one seemed to care. My sister brought two balloons and a teddy bear when she first came.

The food in the hospital was pretty good, which I'd heard beforehand from multiple people. There was a whole menu you could order from at any time (during the hours food service was available) and it was brought to your room in about 20-30 minutes. My mom was able to order a whole tray of food, too, when she was there. I actually turned down having my family bring me food from outside the hospital so I could order more things from the hospital menu before I left! I know, unheard of when it comes to hospital food, but it really was pretty good, and I guess I'm not all that picky.

My mom stayed the first night (the night Jordyn was born) since we didn't even get to the postpartum room until around 4am. She ended up going home the other two nights, but she spent a good amount of time with us at the hospital, as did my dad and sibs.

Jordyn had a lot of "baby bling" while in the hospital. She had a baby loj.ack system on one ankle so that no one could baby-nap her, two (I think) hospital bands on the other ankle, and one on her wrist. One of them matched a band I wore so that we were identifiable as mother and daughter. Everything was taken off before we left except the band that matched mine, which we were instructed to take off only after we got home, so that if there was a "code pink" (missing child) while we were leaving, it could be proven that she was mine.

On Wednesday, I went to a breastfe.eding class that they have every day at 11am. There were about 4-5 other women there with their babies, and one brought her husband, too. Jordyn was the only girl baby! The lact.ation consultant (LC) who taught the class was good, and went over some basics and answered our questions. The lac.tation support in the hospital was fabulous. There must have been an LC in our room at least twice a day, and I liked them all. On Thursday before we left, the LC was in our room, and we were discussing whether or not I needed to supplement. She had set me up with a jerry-rigged version of an at-breast supplemen.tation device, and I'd asked how much it was to purchase the real one from the hospital. We waited while she tried to find the answer, but no one seemed to know or be able to find out, so eventually they just gave it to me for free! I'm pretty sure it's worth around $45. The LC also found out that my insurance completely covered a dual electric pump, so she got that figured out and I left with a pump that I never thought I'd have! Eventually I'll get to a whole post on our breastf.eeding saga...

All of the nurses in the hospital were great. On the 8th, we had a nurse who's birthday was the same day as Jordyn's. One of the PCAs wasn't too friendly, but she wasn't exactly unfriendly, either. The nurses and PCAs were all great about checking in with me to see if I needed motr.in, or an ice pack, or anything else.

I slept very, very, very little while in the hospital. At least the first two nights. I think I must have been operating on pure adrenaline. I know I was supposed to sleep when the baby slept, but that wasn't really possible, between all the staff coming in the room and my family being there to visit. By Wednesday night, our last night there, I was almost delirious. I was so tired I literally couldn't keep my eyes open. I think the adrenaline had worn off by then. And of course Jordyn kept waking up, wanting to nurse (I think). The nurse or PCA had offered to bring her to the nursery for a little while so I could sleep, but I'd declined. I know rooming-in is the way to go, and I felt like I'd be giving up and failing if I sent her to the nursery.

Fast forward a few hours, and I did just that - sent her to the nursery. I had reached my limit for not sleeping, and I just couldn't function anymore. I pushed the nurse call button, and when someone asked if they could help me, I almost couldn't get the words out to say I needed to send my baby to the nursery, and I'm tearing up as I write this... I felt like such a complete, utter failure. My First Big Epic Fail as a Parent.

The nurse/PCA came to take Jordyn, and I totally lost it as she wheeled her out of the room in her bassinet. I bawled. I cried myself to sleep. I know it's ok, I know it's not a huge deal that Jordyn spent about 4 hours in the nursery that night, and I know it won't scar her for life. I just felt like I should have been able to do it myself, and the fact that I couldn't handle it myself made me feel like I wasn't going to be able to handle this whole thing by myself. Being a Single Mom by Choice. But of course, I felt better after getting even just a few hours of sleep, even though I continued feeling as though I had done something horrible by sending her to the nursery. I just couldn't help it.

Part of the reason I didn't sleep in the hospital was because every time I closed my eyes to try to sleep, I had flashbacks of my L&D. It was like my brain hadn't been able to process the experience, and as soon as I tried to sleep, my brain started replaying the events of that night, and I couldn't sleep. I was pretty sure I would be getting diagnosis of PT.SD due to my L&D!

Since I'm at high risk for PPD, I started taking Zol.oft in the hospital, the day after Jordyn was born. I'm so glad I did. I really didn't want to sit around and wait to see if I developed PPD, or whether or not the anxiety I'd developed during pregnancy would stick around. I think the Zol.oft has helped, and I'm planning to continue taking it for the foreseeable future.

I didn't really want to leave the hospital. It felt weird, completely ridiculous, really, that they were sending me home with this tiny little being who was so totally dependent on me. I mean, what was I supposed to do with her? Would I really be able to keep her alive and well? All by myself?!? (Not that I was really by myself - my mom stayed with us for the first week, and both of my parents and my sister have been helping out since then). No one even helped me put her in the carseat, or checked to make sure she was in it correctly. They just took off her baby bling, said goodbye, and we were off!