Jordyn's Birth Story

** This has now taken me several weeks and multiple attempts to finish. I've done the best I can with the details, since I want to have as many of them documented as possible. **

Oh, where to even start. It's been over a week now, but this is literally the first chance I've had to sit down and try to get this documented (and I know full well that I should be napping right now!).

Last Monday, August 6th, I was getting ready to go out to my parents' house for a little while, and I went to the bathroom and had bloo.dy show. This was a new development. I called the midwife who was working that day (Laura) to make sure I wasn't bleeding too much (it wasn't that much, but some of it was blood without mu.cous/discharge so I wanted to make sure that was ok). Soon after, maybe around 2:30pm, I started to have contrac.tions. I called my mom to say I wasn't coming over because this was going on, and while I wasn't sure yet that it was going to turn into anything, I didn't want to be anywhere other than home when it did.

I watched the Olym.pics and timed contract.ions for several hours. They got easier to time as they got slightly stronger, and it was easier to figure out when to hit start and stop on my timing app. At some point, I was pretty sure it was the real thing, and that I was in early labor. Not sure what made me just "know" that, but maybe the bloo.dy show (which continued throughout the day) plus the contra.ctions going on so long, and being easier to time... It took a while for them to become regular, though. They ranged all over the place, from five minutes apart, to sixteen, to eight, to twelve... Some of them lasted over a minute, and others were only a few seconds long. I wasn't always convinced I was timing them right, so it was a little frustrating.

At some point, I let my mom and my doula, Keri, know what was going on. My mom came over first, maybe around 6:00 or so (?), and my doula arrived around 10:00. In the meantime, my mom and I ate some dinner - cheese melted on a bagel and some strawberries. I was so afraid to eat much, knowing I may be seeing it again later (I didn't!). And we watched more of the Olym.pics. It was a pretty good distraction, but they were showing things other than gym.nastics, which is my favorite, and would have been a better distraction. I sat on the exercise ball part of the time.

When Keri arrived, she saw that I was having painful contrac.tions, and sat behind me as I sat on the ball and did some counter-pressure on my hips/sac.rum. This was really helpful! I couldn't believe how much easier it made the contract.ions. I mean, they weren't "easy", but the counter-pressure really did relieve some of the intensity of the pain, if that makes sense. Her hands had to be in just the right place, though, or it wasn't as effective. Just having a third person there to engage in conversation with was helpful, too. I think my mom wasn't really sure what to do or say, or how much attention to give me when I was having a cont.raction.

I had called the midwife on call, Amanda, sometime earlier in the evening (maybe around 7?) to let her know I was pretty sure I was in labor, and asked when I should come in. She'd said when the contrac.tions were four minutes apart, lasting a minute, for at least an hour. I asked her well what if I want to come in sooner, and she explained that they were pretty busy, currently didn't have any L&D rooms available for early labor, and that I should really try to labor at home for as long as I could. But, when I did need to come in, there was "room at the inn", they weren't diverting to other hospitals (thank goodness! I really didn't want to end up being sent elsewhere for delivery!). This wasn't said in a mean way, just in an informative way.

By around 9:30-10:00, the contra.ctions were getting pretty intense, taking my breath away, really painful. Starting around 10:00, all of a sudden they went from pretty random intervals to between 3.5-4.5 minutes apart, and stayed that way. At around 11:00, I called Amanda back (she'd said to call before coming in). I'm pretty sure she thought I was nuts, that there was absolutely no way I could possibly have progressed that far since we'd last spoken, since it had been a matter of just a few hours. I told her I thought it was time to come in, and she tried to hold me off. Asked if I could maybe wait and leave in half an hour. I told her I wasn't sure, and that we'd probably get there in about half an hour or 45 minutes, once we got last-minute things together, got in the car, and made our way to the hospital and to L&D. She was ok with this plan.

My mom and I drove in her car, and Keri followed us in hers. The car was hard, because I had to sit, couldn't change positions, and there were lots of bumps in the road. Plus, I had to give my mom directions to the hospital. We arrived at the hospital around 11:30-11:40. Since it was late at night, we had to go in through the emerg.ency department. The guy at the desk there took one look at me and asked if I wanted a wheelchair, saying it was sort of a far walk to L&D. I took him up on his offer, and he not only got me a wheelchair, but pushed me all the way up to L&D and dropped us off there. He, along with everyone else I came into contact with at the hospital, was great. I really can't complain about my care at all!

They started me off in an exam room on the L&D unit. It was small, pretty warm (although I probably would have been sweating anywhere!), and not really set up for a long stay. I was hoping to be moved to a real L&D room soon. I was standing up next to the bed, leaning over with my hands on the bed, and my doula was standing behind me doing counter-pressure. A nurse, Jackie, had come in, and was going over some paperwork with me and asking me lots of questions, like medical and surgical history, who the baby's pedia.trician was going to be, what medications or supplements do I take, etc. It was kind of hard to answer some of the questions as I was having cont.ractions because I honestly couldn't really concentrate on anything else.

At 12:08am on August 7th, my water broke. Spontaneously, and with a pretty big gush. As I was standing there leaning over the bed with my doula behind me. I remember saying, "oh, my water just broke!". The nurse was still in the room, and I think Amanda was there, too. They started to clean it up, I asked if it was clear, and they said there was mecon.ium. Amanda showed me some of it that she'd wiped it up with a towel. She explained that that meant they'd have a pedia.trician and a nurse from the nursery present for the birth, just in case. She said she'd put the baby on my chest if she came out vigorous, but these extra people would be there in case the baby needed some help with her breathing, since mecon.ium in the fluid could have gotten into the baby's lungs. I have a vague memory of thinking, "Oh great, just what I want, more people in the room", but really I was just concerned that the baby would be ok.

Soon after my water broke, they moved me into a real L&D room. I think Amanda may have still thought I was there way too early until my water broke, and figured she'd check me in the exam room and potentially send me home. But at this point, I think she'd realized I wasn't kidding around! Oh, and I think she checked me in the exam room before I was moved, and I was five centimeters dilated.

My contra.ctions picked up in intensity after my water broke. I couldn't believe they could get worse, but they did. I think they were closer together, too. I was miserable. I think I was already saying that I didn't think I could do this (meaning unmedicated). Amanda walked me slowly over to the L&D room (#6). I'm pretty sure I didn't even get on the bed; I sat on the exercise ball, and Keri sat behind me and I leaned back on her, sort of between her knees and against her chest. This was the most "comfortable" - relatively speaking - position I was in the whole time. Somehow, this position made the contra.ctions slightly better. Slightly.

I don't remember when I started saying I wanted an epid.ural. It could have been in the exam room or not until I got to the L&D room, but I most definitely started saying it. In my birth prefe.rences, I'd stated that I was planning to try for a natural, unmedicated birth, but that I may decide to get an epid.ural, but not to offer it, that I would ask for it.

Well, I asked. And they kind of put me off (again, not in a mean way). By "they" I mean Amanda and Keri, and maybe the nurse, I don't remember. Someone asked if I wanted to try the tub first, since I'd also stated in my preferences that I wanted to try laboring in the tub. Even in my current (at the time) state of mind, I knew that I would have regretted not trying the tub, so I agreed. My mom chose one of the many CDs I'd brought, I think soft music with sounds from the Ama.zon rainforest, and someone put it on.

The tub wasn't really all that helpful. As it turned out, I moved from the better position on the exercise ball leaning against my doula to the tub, and it was a step backwards in terms of helpfulness with contr.actions. And while my doula was right by my side the whole time, she couldn't reach to do counter-pressure while I was in the tub. I stayed in for a little while though, pretty much asking for an epi.dural during each contra.ction, I think! Amanda eventually had me wait until I was between contra.ctions, so that I was making the decision in a slightly calmer state, and I was basically begging eventually. I think I may have said something like, "Ok, I tried it, I've experienced it, I get it, let's move on. I want an epid.ural!". Or, at least that's how it seems to me now.

I got out of the tub, and as I was getting dried off and changing, Keri encouraged me to have Amanda check me before getting the epid.ural, because it was possible that I was fully dilated or very close to it. Amanda checked me, and I was seven centimeters. No idea what time this was. I still wanted the epid.ural.

It was at this point that someone explained to me that before an epid.ural could be placed, they had to start an IV and I had to get a full liter of fluids through it. I was mad! And madder still when they said it took about 30 minutes to get the fluids. Why did I not know this ahead of time?! I would've started asking for the epidu.ral sooner if I knew what a long process it would be to get it! I knew I'd need an IV, which was no big deal, it was waiting 30 minutes to get fluids that pissed me off! I'd been sipping gato.rade, but apparently that wasn't good enough, and the fluids were required. The IV was placed and the fluids were running at fast as possible. The nurse pumped air into the bag of fluids to make it run faster. But it still wasn't fast enough for me.

The contr.actions were the most intense now, and I was lying in bed, reclining up, but still in bed. Not really where I wanted to be, but where I guess I kind of had to be at that point, with the epid.ural supposedly happening soon.

I was so miserable. Words can't even express it. I'm not sure where people get the BS about forgetting how bad childbirth is. I may not remember the exact timing of things, but I remember everything. I remember the pain. I remember what happened. I remember what was said to me. I remember things I said. Maybe I just need to get further out from it to forget it, but right now, as far as I'm concerned, you don't forget. At least, I haven't.

As each contra.ction started, I felt trapped and helpless. I wanted it to stop, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to make that happen. I didn't want to be doing it anymore, I didn't want to be feeling it anymore, I just wanted the baby OUT and for the contra.ctions to stop. I really couldn't take the pain, but I couldn't do anything about it. Horrible. Absolutely horrible. I really can't put it into words. As each contra.ction started, I would say, "I don't want to do this again!" and ask for the epi.dural. I remember looking up at the bag of fluids to see how much was left. Too much.

I panicked. I closed my eyes during most of my contra.ctions, and apparently that wasn't doing me any good in terms of coping. I think Amanda told me I was panicking, maybe more than once, and kept telling me to open my eyes because I did better when I was more present and aware of those around me. She pointed out that my mom was there with me, and Keri was there, and she was there, and they were all there to help support me, etc. etc.

At some point, Amanda checked me again. And told me I was 10 centimeters, that I was done, and that I just needed to push. I'd sort of had the urge to push prior to this, even back when I was in the bathtub at one point (I know I said something like, "Am I pushing? I think I might be pushing!" while I was in the tub). I guess I kind of had the urge to push now, but I don't think I knew it was time to push until she told me it was. Maybe she'd checked me because she saw I was starting to push? No clue. She told me the baby was very low down, and held up two fingers maybe two inches or so apart, and said the baby was that far inside, and asked if I wanted to reach down and touch her head inside of me. I declined.

It was now obviously too late for the epid.ural. I'd somehow managed to make it through transition, of course not even knowing I was in transition until it was over, and of course it wasn't like I'd had a choice but to make it through! It was NOT fun, though. I highly DO NOT recommend unmedicated childbirth, and highly DO recommend epid.urals, and that's because I've both done the former and not had the latter! I have an "ism" that I often say, which is "This isn't fun (or variations like, "that doesn't sound like fun"), and I don't like things that aren't fun!". I think I said that during labor at one point. Or I at least thought it.

Anyway, back to pushing. They rolled in a mirror, I think after asking me if I wanted it, and I did (it was in my birth pref.erences), and set it up at the end of the bed so I could see. Now, having watched a bunch of yout.ube videos of birth, I kind of knew what I'd be seeing, but I was still somehow sort of surprised, I guess because now it was ME. And because I was in a way controlling what I was seeing.

Pushing is definitely easier, pain-wise, than the contr.actions that come before it (transition). It still hurts, oh, it most definitely hurts!, but I think because you are actually DOING something, instead of just having no choice but to let it happen to you, somehow makes a difference.

I pushed for I think around 30-40 minutes. It would have probably been much shorter than that, had I been able to sustain my pushes longer than I was at first. I was doing these short little pushes and stopping too soon, which was impeding my progress. Keri was holding one leg, and Amanda asked my mom to hold the other. The original plan was for my mom to stay up by my head and not watch the proceedings, but as it turned out, that wasn't really possible. Plus, the mirror was there, so she would've seen anyway.

The baby's heartrate started to drop when I pushed, but would come up between contra.ctions when they put my legs down and I was a little more relaxed (again, relatively speaking!). Amanda and the nurse kept telling me that she needed to come out, and that I needed to push longer at a time to get her out. They were really freaking me out! I kept asking if the baby was ok, and they just kept saying that she was ok, but that she needed to come out. I don't think she was tolerating the pushing very well, with her heartrate dropping every time I pushed. Turns out the cord was around her neck once, but my mom said Amanda very quickly pushed it over her head as soon as she could, and there's no reason to believe there will be any long-term problems because of it.

I saw the baby's head crowning, but then at some point, Amanda shifted position, and she blocked my view in the mirror (not intentionally), so I didn't see the baby actually come out of me. Amanda put her on my chest for maybe a minute, and she cried, although I guess not really vigorously enough. I know I reached out and held her - she was wet and slippery - and I think I said, "Hi baby!" a couple of times. Amanda clamped and cut the cord, and then said she wanted to have the pedia.trician look at her, so she took her over to the warmer.

The pedia.trician and baby nurse suctioned her and gave her blow.by oxygen to help her breathing. Strangely, from where I was lying on the bed, I could see the baby's reflection in the glass from a round light on the ceiling that was turned off. I could see her whole body lying in the warmer reflected in that light! I'm pretty sure that wasn't done intentionally - it was really random that I was just in the perfect position for her to be reflected up there. My mom went over to the warmer and watched, and took a picture when they put her on the scale to weigh her.

Amanda told me to give one more push to deliver the plac.enta, and said, "Don't worry, this doesn't have bones". I pushed once and could feel the plac.enta slide out. It was nothing compared to birthing the baby! I told Amanda I wanted to see the plac.enta, so a few minutes later she gave me a "plac.enta tour", as she called it. She held it up, complete with umbi.lical cord and amni.otic sac attached, explained that the cord was average length, showed me the various parts, which side of the plac.enta was on the outside, etc. It was pretty interesting! When she started, my mom was standing next to me watching, and I know full well she doesn't like and can't handle medical stuff like this, so I told her she could go see the baby if she wanted, and didn't have to see this. She took me up on it!

Once I could hear the baby crying and knew she was ok, I asked Amanda if I had torn. She said she didn't know yet, that she needed to clean me up a little and take a look. She did, and said I had a second degree tear. She injected some lidoc.aine and placed the stitches. I asked how many she thought it would be, but she said it was all one running stitch, so I don't even know how many stitches I got. The lidoc.aine hurt a little as she injected it, but honestly, it was nothing compared to what I'd just been through!

At one point, the baby nurse brought my little one over and handed her to me all swaddled up. So tiny and cute! I held her, but quickly noticed that she was grunting a little as she breathed. I asked the nurse if that was ok, as I know that grunting isn't usually good. She came over and listened, and then agreed that her breathing didn't sound great, and said she wanted to take her to the nursery and give her a "therapeutic bath" to help clear her lungs out more. As much as I didn't want her to be taken away from me, I knew it was necessary. I sent my mom to go with her to the nursery, and she stayed with her the whole time.

A "therapeutic bath" is really just a regular bath, with the purpose of pissing her off and making her scream to help clear out her lungs. Pretty torturous, I guess, but it worked! My mom said she screamed her head off, but by the time they were finished with the bath (and they did the vitamin K shot and eye ointment at the same time, and also suctioned her some more), she was breathing better, and she hasn't had any breathing or lung problems since. Her pedia.trician said there's no reason to believe there'd be any long-term issues related to the meco.nium and respiratory distress at birth.

Keri stayed with me the whole time the baby and my mom were in the nursery. I don't remember if the stitching up happened before or after they went to the nursery, but at one point, everyone left the room and it was just Keri and I. We chatted for a little bit, and I told her about the don.or and about having had contact with the parent of a don.or sib already. I think I was in total shock about what had just happened. Here I had just given birth to my daughter - a natural, unmedicated birth at that - and it was 3 something in the morning, and Keri and I just had a random conversation like nothing had happened. Weird.

Eventually the nurse came back in and had me get up to go to the bathroom. I didn't really want to move, as my whole body hurt, but I didn't have a choice. They don't want your bladder to get too full for the first few days. I never thought I'd pee in front of anyone, but there I was, peeing basically while she watched, to make sure I could go. It was hard to tell that I had to pee, and I couldn't go much. She also helped me get on the mesh underwear and pad for the bleeding. They measured how much I peed the next few times I went to the bathroom to make sure I was emptying my bladder enough, otherwise I would've had to get catheterized. I made sure I peed enough!

I sat right in a wheelchair after the bathroom, and the nurse wheeled me over to our room on the postp.artum unit. Right when we were about to leave, someone called from the nursery to find out whether they should bring the baby and my mom back to L&D or if we were ready to switch rooms yet. We arrived to the new room, and the baby and my  mom were brought in right after we got there. Room 510, one of the older, smaller ones. The postp.artum unit was recently expanded with a new section, where some of the rooms have fireplaces and nice wood paneling, and are bigger than most of the older rooms. I was hoping to get a "fireplace room", but they're first come first serve, and they were all full. Oh, well, this way we were closer to the solarium, a little sitting room at the end of the hallway with a gorgeous view of Bos.ton and the river.

It was about 4am at this point. The baby was asleep. My mom was exhausted and fading fast. I was wired. My mom slept for a couple of hours, but I got maybe 20 minutes of sleep as the baby woke up almost as soon as I closed my eyes. I think I ended up being awake for over 36 hours before I actually got any even halfway-decent sleep.

What a crazy, intense, emotional experience!

But look what I got in the end:

:)