Baby Grandpa Drama

One of the perks of being an SMC is that you don't have to deal with "baby daddy drama".

So it's totally not fair that I'm having to deal with "baby grandpa drama".

My dad was SUCH a complete asshole today!

Please join me as I rant about it, won't you?? (or not, that's fine too!)

My parents had Jordyn today since I had to work. When my dad met me in the grocery store parking lot that's about halfway between our houses for the "handoff", I made a point to tell him that Jordyn had been up since 6:15 (early for her), so she'd be tired early and need a nap on the earlier side, and they should put her down around 1:00 (she usually goes down between 1 and 1:30). He said, and I quote, "ok, so we'll do the same thing as last time" - which was that she was asleep at 12:55, and he was all proud of himself.

So I get to their house at 4:30, walk in, and my mom tells me that Jordyn is sleeping. What? Her naps are usually 1 hour 45 minutes, but no more than 2 hours or 2 hours 15 minutes MAX. Do the math - there's no way she went down anywhere close to 1:00.

My mom said my dad put her in the car at 11:00 to go to the dump (it's a refuse/recycling center in their town where most people drop off their stuff instead of paying for pick up, and it has a swap table, etc., too), and that she'd fallen asleep in the car and had a 20 minute catnap, so that pushed her real nap back.

Ok... except that I have MORE THAN ONCE explained to them that you can't put Jordyn in the car at 11-12:00 because she'll fall asleep without lunch (so she won't sleep long enough) and too early for her one nap of the day. And if by chance you have to put her in the car then, you have to actively keep her awake - ask her animal sounds, talk loudly, bang on the windows, give her crackers or a toy, engage her with something, ANYTHING to keep her awake until you get where you're going.

They completely don't get the whole thing about sleep pressure and how a 20 minute "catnap" can mess up the real nap she's supposed to have later. My dad doesn't get it or believe that she needs to be on a more or less consistent schedule, and that she needs routine in her life.

You have to understand that very recently, there was a very similar (but worse) situation. She was asleep when I arrived at 5:30, I had to wake her up, she was still tired and asleep/waking up at a weird time for her, and she was totally out of whack - a miserable, cranky mess - the rest of the night. So we'd just had this same conversation, and I was not at all listened to.

That's the real kicker. I feel like my dad doesn't respect me as Jordyn's mother. It doesn't really matter that he disagrees with the way I'm doing things, he just needs to do them anyway. I'm willing to discuss things in a respectful manner and hear his suggestions. But the blatant disregard for what I ask to be done when it comes to taking care of Jordyn - on a very regular basis - and the reaction when I bring it up... OMG. I'm seriously ready to take Jordyn and move far, far away! It would kill my mom, and probably my dad, too. But I really did have that thought today, and I have before. It also makes me scared to have another baby. Because it feels like this is what I'm going to have to deal with. I'm stuck between a rock and hard place - I need their help, but I don't like what it looks like. I do very, very much appreciate that they take care of Jordyn, and that they do it so willingly (they really can't get enough of her - my mom texted me at work today just to say "oh is she adorable"), but this is really ridiculous and beyond frustrating. I don't know if you can totally "get it" if you don't know my dad and how he can be.

My dad got pissed off when I said I was frustrated that he hadn't listened to what I'd said that morning and before, and walked away. I gave him a minute, then went to him and said I was frustrated, too, and that I had every right to be. He said Jordyn wasn't tired at 11:00. I said, "if she fell asleep within five minutes of being in the car, how could she not have been tired?" and he actually refused to concede that point!! He said she wasn't acting tired, that she wasn't rubbing her eyes or yawning. Do we not all know that when the child gets to that point, it's too late, that they're overtired?? We've talked about this before, but he apparently doesn't believe me. I tried to explain that she doesn't act tired at night, either, because she's busy playing, but as soon as I bring her upstairs and dim the lights and put on her pajamas, she starts to rub her eyes because she knows it's bedtime, so you can't always go by her acting or not acting tired. But I was literally in the middle of my sentence, and he cut me off. I asked him if I could please finish what I was saying, and he said... no, that he wasn't going to let me finish, because he "got it". WTF?? Seriously? Wow.

He suggested I ask Jordyn's doctor if her nap really needs to be at such a "regimented" time each day. First of all, her naps aren't all that regimented - it starts usually between 1 and 1:30, sometimes 1:45 or even occasionally a few minutes after that, but always by 2:00. So that's an hour range - not exactly "regimented", but a more-or-less consistent schedule. Second, and maybe more important, why does it mean so much more if the doctor says it, and not ME, her freaking MOTHER?? This type of thing isn't so much a doctor issue, in my opinion, as a parenting one. It should be up to ME to decide her nap time, not her doctor!

You may be thinking - it takes a village. And yes, it does. It most certainly does, especially for SMCs. I value my parents' help, and their suggestions, and I very much want them to be a part of our village. I want them to spend time with her, teach her things I can't, give her experiences I can't, buy her things I can't, etc. I want them to love her and her to love them and for all of them (us) be an important part of each other's lives. But is it really too much to ask for them to follow the general guidelines and schedule that I have set for Jordyn, and that she does every other day?

Sure, there are going to be exceptions. Like when we travel, or there's some super-special occasion or whatever. But on a random day, for no good reason whatsoever - no. My dad said taking her to the dump with him was "something to do", and that he didn't understand why I was upset that she was napping later than usual. He also ended up mentioning that it was a "battle" to get her to sleep. Well... yeah. It's the sleep pressure thing! That 20 minute catnap in the car took off enough of the sleep pressure to make falling asleep a couple of hours later difficult, hence the battle. I explained that, but he basically just walked away. He's just SO damn type A that he ALWAYS has to be the one in control, and in charge, and he can't possibly take direction from anyone else. That's what's really going on here, and I'm OVER IT!!

Here's the other kicker... After all of this, I was pretty upset, and so decided to go home then instead of staying and hanging out (not that anything had been stated one way or the other). I started to put on Jordyn's coat, and my dad asked, "what's the rush?". I said that I wanted to go home because I was upset and wasn't interested in hanging out with them right then. He said... "I thought you were supposed to do what's best for her". Ok, are you fucking kidding me??? He was implying that staying at their house with them was what was best for her, over going home to our own house where we live. I think that pissed me off more than anything else. I said, "sometimes what's best for the baby is what's best for the mommy".

I shouldn't have to deal with baby grandpa drama, and that's exactly what happened today. It's like we're two parents who don't agree on parenting styles and we fight about it and have to figure out how to make it work when I'm doing one thing and he does another thing on "his days".

Except, let's remember... SHE'S NOT HIS CHILD!!! I shouldn't have to feel as though I need to figure out how to compromise on parenting my own child when I'm her ONLY PARENT.

Ok, I realize this sounds bitchy. But you don't know my dad, and you weren't there to see his and hear him today. He was truly being an asshole. Like I said, I'm open to suggestions, but I do expect to feel respected as Jordyn's mom by my own parents. Maybe that's too much to expect, but I don't think so. I just want to make my own parenting decisions, and while I'm sure I have and will continue to make mistakes... we all do. And they're my mistakes to make, and hopefully I'll learn from them. But for my dad to just outright ignore me, and basically tell me that he'll do it if Jordyn's DOCTOR says it's the right way to do it but not just because *I* decide to do it that way... Come on. That's not fair.

Ok, end of rant. I think maybe I'll be able to fall asleep now.

Thank you for listening. :)