Terrible Twos... or Terrible Mommy??

Toddlerhood can kiss my ass. I'm not a fan.

And, well, that's of course not entirely true. Jordyn is adorable, and has quite a personality, and is developing so quickly, and it's really fun to see it all happen. I keep randomly realizing that something is gone, or has changed. Like, first I realized that all of her signs except one had disappeared. She only ever knew a total of maybe 4 or 5, but all of a sudden the signs had disappeared since she now had the words, except for "finished". I've always said "all finished" instead of "all done" (which is of course much easier to say), because my dad has this thing about only food is "done". So Jordyn had this really cute version of the "all finished/done" sign, and it stuck around after the other signs were gone, because the word was the hardest for her to say. And then all of a sudden, I realized that sign was gone, too. And she used to say "ap" for apple, and now it's two syllables, more like "appa" or something like that. She says a couple of three-syllable words, and she's really starting to string words together into sentences now. It's really cool to see the development happening.

And it's also cool that now that she's bigger she can do more, and we can do more together. Instead of just taking a walk, or taking a walk and then putting her in the swing for a little while at the park, now she wants to do other things - like the slide, and the (very fun!) zipline at the school playground around the corner from our new house (we haven't moved yet, but we've gone to the playground a few times), pet dogs and cats, pick up small rocks and put them down storm drains, etc.  We play with play doh, and build towers with legos, and color, and play with stickers, and I introduced her to Mr. Potato Head the other day. My dad taught her how to play hide and seek, which she calls "seek", and which she doesn't completely get yet, but she kinda does, and it's really cute.

But honestly? The naughty behavior that's part and parcel of toddlerhood (at least with Jordyn!), and the discipline required as a result is miserable. I feel like I must be doing something wrong. I shouldn't be as frustrated as I am as often as I am. I keep trying to remind myself that she's only 21 months old, and that I can't really expect much different behavior of her than I seem to. But I absolutely can't stand the naughtiness!! It's like everything I ask her to do results in a "no!" from her. Sometimes she'll do what I asked even after initially saying "no" without me intervening, but not usually. Usually she'll do something like run away from me, do the same naughty thing again that I just asked her not to do, laugh or smile in response to my "stern face", etc. It's absolutely maddening!!

Throwing food, utensils, sippy cups on the floor. And then looking at me and smiling. And not responding when I then ask her why she threw ___ on the floor.

Spitting chewed-up food out of her mouth - apparently not because she doesn't like it, but just because.

Slamming or closing doors immediately after being asked not to.

Refusing to clean up her toys.

Refusing to hold my hand when walking across a street or in a parking lot.

Full-on melt-down tantrums over ridiculous things, like I wouldn't let her wash her hands again when she'd literally *just* finished washing them. And because I can't hold her and get dinner ready at the same time.

And just simple defiance. That's what most of this is, I guess. Refusing to comply with absolutely anything I ask of her.

I guess it's all typical toddler/terrible two stuff, but it's driving me crazy. It's SOOOO frustrating to me for some reason. And so I feel like maybe it's me, that I'm doing something wrong, not responding in the right way. I've definitely gotten really angry a few times, and yelled at her. And then of course felt really guilty and just wanted to give her a hug and a kiss and apologize for yelling and making her cry. Which made me feel like I was abusing her. :( I don't always yell, just sometimes when I just lose it. But I don't want to lose it at all.

I've resorted to taking things away. Like, we used to have a bunch of magnets on the fridge - the alphabet and a bunch of animals. All she'd do with them was push them down off the bottom of the fridge into a pile on the floor. When she started to do it, I'd tell her that she had to put them back on the fridge later, and she'd say "kay", but then later would refuse to do it. I tried to show her other ways to play with the magnets, thinking maybe she didn't know how else to play with them. Many, many times I ended up sitting on the floor with her in front of the fridge, making cleaning them up into a game, helping her, etc. But finally, after yet another time of her refusing to put them back on the fridge, I told her if she didn't put them back on the fridge, then I was going to take them away and she wouldn't have them to play with anymore. And she said "kay", so I did.

I'm choosing my battles, that's something I think I'm doing ok. Like this morning, when she'd pulled one of her bathing suits out of a bag, and wanted to bring it downstairs with her. I tried to tell her she didn't need a bathing suit downstairs (we were leaving within minutes to go to school and work), but she insisted, and I pretty quickly gave in. I mean, who cares? So she brings her bathing suit downstairs, and now tonight I'll bring it back up. No big deal. So I didn't choose that battle, and I'm glad I didn't.

I ordered two books - "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" and "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk". At first glance, it looks like How to Talk may be geared for older kids, but I started reading Happiest Toddler last night and almost couldn't put it down! I don't know if it's what he says or how he says it, but it just makes so much SENSE. It describes toddlers, and Jordyn, exactly. He equates toddlers to cavemen - impulsive, impatient, have trouble being reasonable and rational because their brains are immature, like early humans'. It's a very easy read, and I think it may actually help!

*****

I wrote most of the above last night, and then today two things happened. One is that I got my period, so maybe I've been PMSing the past few days. Two is that I discovered Jordyn got a new two-year molar in (it may not even be all the way through the gum yet), so maybe she's been teething. In hindsight, she has been putting her fingers and other things in her mouth a lot lately. A third thing that wasn't just today is that she's also been getting over a cold, which probably hasn't helped her mood. Ohhh, I so hope these three things are at least part of what's been going on the past week or so, and it's not that she's really just turned into a complete monster!

This past week is the first time I've really, truly questioned my ability to handle two. I think about having a second on an almost-daily basis, and up until now really didn't doubt my ability to handle it. But this past week? Oh hell yes, I've doubted it! It's made me question being able to handle toddlerhood again, if I make it through the first time! It's made me think to myself, "yeah, maybe I need to stick with one, then once I get through this stage, I'll be finished with it forever!". But... deep down, I do still want a second, and deep down, I hope I get an "easier" toddler than I seem to have this time around. I figure it can't possibly be worse, right?! So If I can make it through once, I can make it through again.

I hate looking at it as "making it through", though. I want to enjoy this time, just like I want to enjoy every stage along the way. I'm trying really hard to focus on the positives - because there really are many of them - and to let some of the discipline/behavior stuff feel less important. I'm hoping the strategies in Happiest Toddler will help, and that I can manage to come out on the other side of toddlerhood with a well-behaved, well-mannered child... at least most of the time!

"Hugging" a cat that lives down the street. She's OBSESSED
with dogs and cats!

"I'm a toddler and I know it!"

Ah, the good times!!