I'm Better; My Sister's Worse

Things are somewhat better since my last post. The day after I posted, last Sunday, Jordyn and I took the dog for a walk to the school playgrounds. The kindergarten one is fenced in, so she was able to be off leash and get some running in - and energy out. And then we went to the field by the big playground, and I let her off leash again for a few minutes. I also took a chance and didn't take the stroller, and it worked out ok. On Monday, my sister's gf came to walk the dog in the middle of the day while I was at work. On Tuesday evening, my sister picked up take-out for dinner and brought it over. She was ok, in terms of being stable, although certainly not perfect. She ended up taking the dog home with her, and had her the rest of the time my parents were away (they got back last night). In fact, she still has her.

On Friday, my sister called me and was clearly much more unstable (read: way more manic) than she had been on Tuesday. She told me her heat had been turned off for nonpayment since she'd been in the hospital, which doesn't make sense because she'd only been in for a couple of weeks, and they don't just turn your heat off for missing one month's payment. But anyway, she asked me to call the gas company and pay whatever it was she owed and get her heat turned back on. I tried to help her; I spent over an hour calling the gas company 4 times and sitting on hold each time, trying to get it taken care of, but it was impossible. When I told them I was calling for my sister, they wouldn't talk to me because she hadn't given them prior permission to talk to me. I was like, what is this, HIPAA for the gas company?! WTF? When I called back and just pretended to be her, that was all well and good until they asked for the last 4 digits of her social security number, and I wasn't able to tell them. And then it was after 5pm on Friday and there was nothing I could do. I texted with her gf, who said she could probably stay with her for the weekend, but she'd see how it went that night, since she was pretty fed up and couldn't take much more of my sister. I told her I'd get my sis a hotel room if she needed another place to stay (she sure as hell wasn't coming to my house!). Not sure why I didn't think of just telling her to stay at my parents' house, but whatever.

Turns out, I don't think her heat was ever off in the first place. Yesterday morning, I called the gas company back, since I'd managed to find where I have all my family members' SS#s written down. They told me her bill was paid and she had a zero balance! I'm pretty sure she hasn't called and paid; I honestly don't think there was ever a problem with her heat.

Meanwhile, on Saturday, her gf left her at her house and went over to a friend's house for a while, and when she got back, my sis was gone. She'd checked herself into a hotel. And she still hasn't checked out! She likes it there, and says she has friends there and they're nice to her. Yeah, but hello?! It's freakin' expensive! And she owns a condo in a two-family and pays a mortgage! She'd said something to me last week about her house being cluttered and she kept trying to clean it out but every time she did it set her back, or upset her, or something to that effect. So she likes being in the hotel because she doesn't have to deal with all her stuff/clutter/whatever.

We had a couple of phone "conversations" over the weekend. We both keep hanging up on each other. Mania has turned her into a rip-roaring BITCH. She always had the potential in her, and it would and could come out sometimes, but this is so much more. This is different. I literally can't get a complete sentence out of my mouth without her cutting me off and/or hanging up the phone. I also can't say anything - and I mean anything - without her getting mad and accusing me of something or other. She kept making me cry and getting me so upset that I'd hang up on her. It's so out of control.

She sent me an email two days ago. It's complete and utter crazy talk. It sounds like the mutterings of a crazy homeless person in email format. Here are a few excerpts:

"Do NOT FORWARD THIS ON TO YOUR PARENTS!!!!!  OUR PARENTS!!!!  OTHERWISE YOU ARE OUT OUT OUT AND I CANNOT HELP YOU.  OK?  YOU HAVE TO BE WITH THE SIBLINGS WHEN THEY RETURN.....FERAL CAT COLONIES ALL OVER THE MIDDLE EAST...AND ZYDNEY OOPS...sorry. Sydney's poop in plastic bags in the USA....ok?  Just "GO" with whatever "We" {I} Say....They make me laugh a lot...But I have this.....ok?  Do you TRUST me..."

"Are you a sibling or a PARENT?  Or are you out?   <sigh>  It it PSYCHO DRAMA Thank the dramatisists....NOT my JD.....NOT my jurisdiction.  Behaviorism...GOOD ONE!  i failed!  the "autistic kid" came out of his shell!   did i cheat?!  NO!  I did the rules of the stupid boring game with the cute kid in St. Louis....FIRED.  {thanks a lot}   (Ship SAILED Kashoom...getting creative now...,this sucks...i HATE psycho drama!  it's not fun anymore!  Andrew.....<Hila...it's NOT me....>  {You smoked too much pot}   He knows.  I told HIM at Thanksgiving......He is NOT blood....court...Ba'aretz.....oy vey with the Torquemada!   spanish inquisition!!!! BIKKURIM.  UGH. no cheating.....my tutor/teacher/guide helped me!  Terri said {I'm really sorry Robyn....WOW...I'm SO SORRY ROBYN...ship sailed....I LOVE HER. FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER....working together now....Thank MY G-D.....SAfe!  only one more time and ONLY FOR TERRI...........{why they gave that to you i will NEVER know.......?}"

"David...please help.....trying...largely blocked by "Bino"...Robin Williams please help (He's dead and thinks this is hysterical....WE ARE TRYING TO CONTROL HIM.....HE GETS OUT OF HAND.....NO one knows what to do with him.  He CANNOT bother the Israelis they are doing important work over there....."Awww man!  But Genie!?"  "Robin...enough." ...."a triumvirate!  FINALLY!"   {Oy vey}"

Maybe that'll give you some idea of how literally crazy she is right now. You can't make this stuff up. Well, unless you're manic, I guess! "Bino" is a nickname she's had for me for a long time. Terri is her gf. Andrew is one of our pseudo-cousins. There are a few Hebrew words in there. She's all over the place in this email, it's incredibly long, and none of it makes the slightest bit of sense.

Our parents got back in town last night. They were on a cruise and not really reachable for most of the time save for a few short emails. So, I had to fill them in when they were back in the states yesterday, even before they were back in Boston. They weren't happy, and my mom was crying while sitting in the Fort Lauderdale airport, not even home yet. That was the end of their rest and relaxation!

Ok, so way back at the beginning of this post, I said things were somewhat better, and then ended up talking about how manic my sister is. I realize that doesn't really go together - I'm not manic! But what I meant when I said things were somewhat better is how I've been feeling. I no longer feel on the precipice of depression. I'm sad, definitely grieving what feels like the loss of my sister, and I think the worst part is seeing my mom so upset and not being able to say or do anything to help. I'm no longer feeling as desperately lonely as I was. I don't really know what changed, other than things just felt like they eased up a little, mid-week or so. Work has been insanely busy with all the holiday stuff and donations, so maybe that helped change my focus a bit. Jordyn and I had a nice Hanukkah, and my parents made it in time for candles and J's present last night. They had to come to our house to get their car, anyway, so we ordered in Chinese and celebrated the last night of Hanukkah together.

Night 7

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One funny thing:
We had dinner at my parents' house tonight. As usual, Jordyn followed me to the bathroom. She was in front of me as we walked in, and before I could even close the door and pull down my pants, she said, "a vagina!". I was thinking, HUH?! I turned around, and she was holding an iguana figurine she'd taken off of a shelf. I said, "Jordyn, that's not a vagina, that's an iguana", and she repeated, "an iguana!". I laughed hysterically the entire time I was peeing, and then afterwards when I told my mom what Jordyn had said, confusing the words vagina and iguana!