21 Days to Go

I just caught up on reading blogs, and decided it's high time I write an update of my own.

I just don't know what to write about!

There's so much, and so little, at the same time, to write about these days. I think the real problem is just that my head is spinning, and so filled with all kinds of random thoughts, fears, anxieties, etc., and I'm so exhausted, that I just can't even think straight to come up with anything that makes sense. Here's some randomness for you...

There are only 21 days until my due date. Wow. So surreal.

I'm supposed to be at work right now. I called out because I couldn't get myself off the couch. I think I really overdid it the last couple of days, and today my whole body ached, and I was (am) so completely exhausted and had (have) absolutely no energy that I knew there was no way I could be on my feet for the better part of 8 hours at work tonight. Pretty much every time I stand up (which I've really only done all day to go to the bathroom and get food and water), I have a Braxton Hicks contraction. A couple of hours ago I was trying to figure out if I was possibly in very early labor. It's confusing, because I think the baby sometimes pushes her whole body against my belly like she's trying to dig a hole through and come out somewhere near my belly button, and it feels so tight when she does that, that I can't tell if it's a contraction or just her pushing against me. I guess maybe I really will "just know" when it's a real contraction and I'm really in labor...??

I still need to finish packing my hospital bag. It's a work in progress. I don't have enough comfortable clothes that fit me right now to pack some away and then not have them to wear in the meantime, so that's part of the issue. I also think it's some sort of weird mental thing, like I'm just not ready, so if I don't pack the bag, nothing will happen. But that as soon as I'm actually physically "ready" to go to the hospital, it will be time to go.

I know, stupid.

My parents and brother have arrived and moved into their new house only 15 minutes away from me. It's VERY WEIRD, living in the same city as my parents for the first time since I graduated high school! I don't remember if I've updated on my brother's situation... A while back, I think I wrote about him being bip.olar and in the middle of a major manic episode, and the stress my whole family was feeling, and what was going to happen when my parents left and moved up here (oh, about 1000 miles away from him). Well, he eventually decided he'd move up here, too, and in with my parents, which is what was recommended by his doctors. Supposedly him living with my parents is a temporary thing, but I have a feeling it'll be quite a while before he'll move out on his own (for multiple reasons).

They arrived last Monday and stayed with me until Wednesday, which was Moving Day. Big huge moving truck arrived at my house first (since they were dropping off a few pieces of furniture for me from my parents' old house and picking up a few things to go to their new one) bright and early at 7:50am - and this was after I'd worked until midnight the night before. But not to worry, I was awake! I hadn't slept much that night, so I heard the truck pull up and break (you know that loud breaking sound that big trucks make), so I was ready for them.

Craziness pretty much ensued after that. The piece of furniture I was worried about making it up the steps (I have kind of a narrow stairwell) fit fine, and a different piece I hadn't even considered wouldn't be able to fit, didn't. A few things that were supposed to have been loaded last to come off first at my house hadn't been, so the movers had to go to my parents' house to unload and then come back to my house with the rest of my stuff. Except they didn't even finish at my parents' house that night, and ended up getting back to my house the following afternoon, when I was at work, so my dad had to come over and let them in. The moving truck sat in their driveway overnight, blocking in my mom's and brother's cars, which freaked me out when I realized that if I went into labor that night, they wouldn't be able to get to me very easily or quickly. But thankfully, that didn't happen.

So, now I finally have a dresser in the nursery, which I've been waiting for before I could really get things organized in there. Except the dresser has been in my parents' basement for years, and as I told my mom, is really "kinda shitty". It's turned into a huge project which I certainly don't have the time for, or the patience, or the stamina. But it was free, as opposed to going out and buying a dresser, which I'd rather not have to do. So, to make this one work, I've SCRUBBED it, inside and out, top to bottom. I've covered the insides of the three large drawers - bottom and all sides - with drawer/shelf liner. I've bought new handles for it, but still haven't gotten them put on. I don't love them, and was hoping to find ones I liked better before doing that part of the project, but at this point... I may just go ahead with it. I was hoping to find cute, colorful, baby-ish ones, but they don't seem to make those in the right size for where the holes are. I also need to glue down some of the laminate that's coming off on the edges, although hopefully my dad will do that for me in the next couple of days. My mom came over for a little while yesterday and helped me start to organize the baby's things into the drawers. She also helped me FINALLY decide on curtains for the nursery, and even offered to pay for them as a baby gift, so those are ordered. I'd looked for curtains I liked so many times, and never found anything I loved, so I just kept ignoring the issue, but I really like these, and think they'll work well.

The thing is, while my parents moved up here solely because of me and the baby, and are supposedly here to help me in this time before she arrives... they have their own house to unpack and organize. They also need to do things like get new driver's licenses and register their cars up here, and go to the bank and open accounts up here, etc. I feel bad having them come and do things for me when they have so much of their own stuff to do! And I do want them to feel organized and ready, because I figure I'll need their help even more once the baby is actually here.

But meanwhile, me trying to do all these things by myself when I'm 37.5 weeks pregnant is leading to me overdoing it and having to call out of work, using even more vacation/sick time, meaning even more of my maternity leave will be unpaid! Not to mention I feel like crap due to said overdoing it.

The good news is that I am starting to feel more ready. Not completely (although I've heard that never really happens, anyway), but sorta-kinda ready. At least more than I was before. My mom and I ran some errands the other day, so I got some things returned to Bab.ies R. Us from my shower, and bought some things I still needed. I found an infant bathtub for free and a pack n. play in great condition for cheap on a local parents listserve for my parents' house (although I still don't have a pack n. play for my house, but I may end up just doing without, or trying to find another one for cheap). I have the borrowed bassinet in place in my room. I'm getting there... slowly but surely!

And you know what I just realized?? The 21 days until my due date is really... 17. I think I must have gotten the countdown thingy when I was still working off of my original due date, which was 4 days later than the one we're working off of now, and which has been my due date since pretty early on. I just never realized it until now!

17 days. Whoa...


Edited to add: I just updated the widget so it's correct now... 17 days and counting!