Today, Yesterday, and Tomorrow

Today... I am 38 weeks pregnant.

As far as I'm concerned, this little lady can make her appearance whenever she's ready!

Not that *I'm* ready... But apparently that never happens. You never, ever actually get to the end of your to-do list and say, "Whew. Well, that's done. So now I'm totally ready for this baby to arrive!".

So considering that, she may as well come now.

Well, not *right* now, since I'm at work. But soon. Because I'm *very* ready to not be at work anymore for a while!

Yesterday... I had my 38-week prenatal appointment. I had a long talk with my midwife about a plan for helping with my depression/anxiety/adjustment disorder/stress... whatever you want to call it. I don't even know what *I* want to call it. I just know that things have been tough, I've been so incredibly irritable and cranky and stressed, and decidedly *not* happy, and I just simply don't like how I've been feeling. And since I feel this way now, I'm *very* concerned about how I'm going to feel after the baby's here, in terms of postpartum depression. I asked if maybe I should start taking something (i.e. an antidepressant) now, since it'll likely take a couple of weeks to build up in my system and actually start working. I really don't want to give birth and then not be able to stop crying, or not be able to bond with my baby, or just not be able to be HAPPY about my baby being here and being in my arms. But in the end, we decided I'd start taking something (likely Zoloft) in the hospital as soon as the baby's born, unless in the meantime I decide I want to start it sooner.

I feel better just having a plan, I think because now I know an end is in sight, and I feel like we've taken a step to ensure that things will get better, and not just let them get worse. And then later yesterday, my mom told me she had had postpartum depression, which I didn't know before, and which made me even more happy that I have a plan in place.

You know what else made me feel better? The heat dying down. It has been SO incredibly, oppressively hot and humid lately, and I hate that weather even when I'm *not* pregnant, so it's been even worse now. I feel like I can't move, can't breathe, can't function in that weather. So last night, after it rained and finally cooled down, I took my dog for a walk, and felt like a human being again. I actually smiled and waved at two little kids who were looking out a window. It's supposed to stay under 90 (even upper 70s, low 80s) for the next several days, so I'm grateful for that!

In other news from the appointment, my fundal height was 3 centimeters less than it was last week (35 v. 38), which the midwife said could very well mean the baby is moving lower. I certainly think she has, because I've been feeling some pressure and heaviness and weirdness(?) in my lower abdomen and down below, which has me thinking there's something happening down there. My midwives don't routinely check you in terms of dila.tion and effac.ement, so I have no idea if any of that is happening yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was. I'm so curious to know, that I'm considering requesting being checked at my next appointment, which is on Monday. Is that crazy, to ask for an unneccessary vaginal/cervical exam?!

And, baby girl is still posterior - facing up towards my stomach instead of towards my back. Lovely. At both last week's and this week's appointments, the midwife gave me a couple of tricks to try to get her to turn, but so far, I don't think they've worked. I'm supposed to hang out/"crawl around" on my hands and knees, sit up straight (meaning not recline backwards at all, which is difficult when you're trying to relax on the couch!), and lie on my back with a rolled-up towel under my lower back/upper butt for 10-15 minutes at a time.

Later yesterday afternoon, I *finally* had a prenatal massage. I've been wanting to have one for a long time, but it just hadn't happened until now. While it was nice, and relaxing, I have to be honest and say that it's not all it's cracked up to be. I guess they can't use too much pressure in a prenatal massage, and I generally like harder pressure when I have a massage. So it felt too light to me. And it's a little weird to have a massage while lying on your sides with a body pillow (the exact same position I've been sleeping in), although it's obviously not possible to lay on your stomach. I'd booked an 80-minute massage (I had a $50 gift certificate so I wasn't going to have to pay the full price!) but it ended up being only 60, so while they only made me pay for the shorter one, I was expecting and wanting the longer one. Oh well, like I said, it was still nice and it did help me relax, which I most desperately needed!

Tomorrow... I'm finally having a maternity photoshoot. My sister recommended this woman who she babysits for and who's a photojournalist, but who also does regular photography. We haven't figured out all the details yet, but she might give me a "friend" discount, and/or my sister might babysit for her for free to help "pay" for the shoot/pictures... or something. Whatever. I told her I don't need a whole long, involved shoot with multiple wardrobe changes or anything, and I don't want any of the cheesy maternity shots, I just want a few good pictures to commemorate my pregnancy. So, we'll see how it goes. My mom's coming over in the morning to help me figure out what to wear. I can't decide because I don't really have any "nice" maternity clothes - mostly solid-color t-shirts and pants. But, I guess that could be good enough. I just hope it isn't too late for this... my belly isn't cute anymore, it's just BIG. But, I figure it's worth a try, and I do want some decent pics of me pregnant (i.e. not just the ones I've taken in the mirror!).

And then tomorrow night, I think my parents and I (and possibly my brother and/or sister) are going to go to services at a local synogogue to see if we like it. I've been wanting to find one to join, since I'm currently unaffiliated, but I want to start getting a little more involved, since I want to bring up my child(ren?) as part of a Jewish community.