Jordyn's "Ferberization", Nights 3-5 and Beyond

So sorry for the delay... I know at least one person is waiting with bated breath for an update, as she left a comment on my "Night 2" post, so I did a quick update there as to how the rest of night 2 went. Here's how it's been going since then...

The morning following night 2, Jordyn was really cranky all morning, so I tried to put her down for a nap around 8:00. As before, it didn't work. As tired as she was, she cried hard for most of 30 minutes, with checks, and I stopped it at that point, as the book recommends. I worked that day from 11:30-6, and Jordyn fell asleep in the car with my dad around 11:15 and then again soon after that for about 15 minutes each. Then she fell asleep in the car again later at 1:40, and slept until 3:15.

Night 3... Jordyn was EXHAUSTED. She almost fell asleep on the bottle during her bedtime routine, but I managed to keep her awake. I had planned to do checks as needed at 3, 6, 10, and then 15 minutes that night. I didn't do a single one!!! She cried for about 30 seconds when I first put her down at 8:58, then sat there quietly for a few minutes and then lay down, and was asleep in under SIX minutes total, at 9:04.

She woke up at 12:28am. I did one check at about 7 minutes, as she was crying mild-moderately on and off, so I went beyond the 3 minute mark. She then lay down and fell asleep  at 12:42, about 14 minutes from when she woke up. She woke up again that night at 4:00, sat up and cried softly for less than a minute, then lay back down and was asleep soon after (maybe a total of about 5 minutes?), and slept until 7:25.

Naps the next day were the worst yet, I think. She napped in the car (and then transferred to the stroller) for a total of about 25-30 minutes from about 10:05-10:35. She fell asleep in the car again for about 15 minutes around 1:00, and may have transferred to her crib at my parents' house, but the dog woke her up when I carried her inside. She fell asleep in the car again at about 2:25, but woke up when my dad attempted to transfer her to the crib, so that nap was maybe 10-15 minutes. She rested, but never fell asleep, in her stroller on a walk a little later, not sure how long but between 3 and 4:30. She napped in the car again for about 15 minutes from 5:45-6, but woke up when I transferred her to the crib. So, she basically didn't nap all day, but was obviously very tired.

Night 4... She was obviously still very tired. She cried very briefly when I first lay her down at 8:28, but she was asleep by 8:30. No, no typo... it took TWO minutes! She again had almost fallen asleep on the bottle that night. If I remember correctly (I somehow managed to not write it down), I believe she slept through the night that night, for the first time in over three weeks!

When she was ready for a nap the next morning, I tried Ferber again starting at 10:23. She screamed, standing in the crib for a few minutes, then would sit or lay down for about 1 second a few times, but mostly just cried and screamed. It really didn't feel good to be doing this to her. I ended it at 10:50. She fell asleep in the car at 11:40, and woke up when I tried to transfer her to the crib at 11:52. I let her cry for a few minutes, thinking maybe she'd fall back to sleep, but she didn't. She did, however, fall back to sleep in the car at 1:50, transferred to her stroller, and woke up at 2:25. She fell asleep in the car again between 5:40-5:50, and I carried her in the house and just held her while she slept until 6:30, at which point I woke her up. She was out cold, and was really cranky for a few minutes, then lay her head back down on my shoulder for a few minutes and then was ok. I don't think she fell back to sleep, because it really wasn't for very long, but I guess she just needed to wake up a little bit on her own.

Night 5... She cried for 5-10 seconds when I lay her down at 8:48, then was quiet. She lay down out of sight of the monitor camera, so I'm not sure how long it took her to fall asleep, but I don't think it was more than a couple of minutes. She woke up at 12:50, cried for only a few seconds, and when right back back to sleep until 8:12!! I was actually awake before her that morning, and couldn't fall back to sleep because I'd had enough! Really an amazing feeling!!

Are you impressed?!? I was!!! From 2 hours 10 minutes on night 1, to maybe 2 minutes on night 5. And nights 3, 4, and 5 were all really, really good - just a few minutes each night from being put in her crib to falling asleep. She slept through the night once, and had just brief wake-ups the other nights.

But then... The following two nights I worked til midnight, so Jordyn was with my parents. I don't think I could possibly have been more clear in what I wanted and needed them to do as far as Jordyn's bedtime routine and continuing Ferber, if needed. I wasn't sure if or how well the Ferber thing would transfer to a different place and different person(s) putting her to sleep, but I wanted to make sure we got it down pat in both places. I'd spent some time the night before, after Jordyn was asleep, typing up her new/modified bedtime routine and how to implement the Ferber check schedule. I both emailed it to my parents, along with a few extra tips (although I got my mom's email wrong so she didn't receive it) and printed out a hard copy. I tucked it inside the Ferber book and gave it to my dad the next day when he came to pick Jordyn up. I both verbally and in writing stated that it was very important that it be followed specifically.

Yeah. I should have known I was wasting my time and my breath!! They decided to take her to the beach on Thursday afternoon, and then out to dinner. They were about 40 minutes away from their house, so of course she fell asleep in the car on the way home, around 7:45-8:00 or so. They got her transferred into her crib, but then my brother reportedly didn't know she was there that night (bullshit; I'd spoken to him on the phone around 7pm because I was actually worried that I hadn't been able to reach either of my parents all afternoon/evening and I wanted to see if he'd heard from them), and he accidentally woke her up while talking on the phone and opening and closing a door that squeaks near her room. This was around 10:30. So my parents decided to take her out of her crib and give her a bottle, since she hadn't had a bedtime one, since she'd fallen asleep in the car. I guess she went back to sleep pretty easily after that, but I have no idea how they did it (i.e. did they leave the room or stay while she was falling asleep?). She woke up and cried for 1-2 minutes around 4am, but then slept til 6:55.

I was totally pissed at my parents for ignoring my directions about Jordyn's bedtime. I've tried to explain to them that she really needs consistency. I had also left their house with her early on the three nights prior to this beach escapade, very specifically because I didn't want her to fall asleep in the car too close to or around bedtime. And they knew that. And then, after I printed out and emailed them the bedtime routine, and told them how important it was to be consistent with it, they didn't do it. When I got to their house after work on Thursday, my dad was still awake, so I asked how it went. He admitted to me that he hadn't even read it.

The next night, they did better, but still not great. They did the bedtime routine approximately right, and said Jordyn cried for 3.5 minutes before falling asleep. She woke up around 11, and my dad originally told me she cried for about 3 or 3.5 minutes before he went in, but then when I asked him why he hadn't waited 5 minutes (which was the time for the first check on the Ferber schedule I gave them) he said, and I quote: "Oh, right, I was supposed to say 5 minutes. Ok, it was 5 minutes before I went in". So he basically admitted flat out that he's telling me what he knows I want to hear, and that he'd simply messed up that time. Nice.

He said he lay Jordyn down, told her it was time to go to sleep, patted her once or twice, and then she fell back to sleep. I asked if he left the room prior to her falling asleep, or after. I mean, that's the whole idea here - to change her sleep associations so that she's falling asleep on her own. He said he left the room, but I could tell he was lying. I'm pretty sure he stood there for a few minutes while she fell asleep (which is basically what he'd been doing before I started Ferberizing her). She then slept til 6:25.

I can absolutely promise you - having help from your parents, at least if they're like mine (especially my dad), is both a blessing AND a curse! For those of you who have negative things to say about this... please just don't. I've been so incredibly stressed about all kinds of things related to my parents being my childcare providers lately... I can't handle it. So, I'm asking, if you don't have supportive comments in this area, please just keep them to yourself. I'm at the point where I really want my parents to just be Jordyn's grandparents, and not her childcare providers. But, seeing as I'm between a rock and a hard place, and also in limbo as I'm currently waiting to hear whether or not I'll be offered a different position I interviewed for with a MUCH better schedule than I have now, I'm sort of stuck for the time being.

The blessing part of a "blessing and a curse"? I had about five hours of sleep both Thursday and Friday nights, and two twelve-hour workdays. This morning, when I was a total zombie, my mom offered to watch Jordyn for a little while so I could go back to sleep. Then she had to leave, and my dad took over for a while, so I was able to sleep for maybe another hour and a half this morning.

Today Jordyn napped from about 10-11:35 and again from about 3:10-4. Not in her crib, of course - first in the stroller and then mostly in the car (and a few minutes in my bed). Decent naps.

And get this... Tonight, after her usual bedtime routine, I put Jordyn in her crib, and she didn't make a single peep. Not a one! She lay down and sat up on and off, played with, moved around, and cuddled with her stuffed animals, and looked at the door occasionally for about 15 minutes before falling asleep. But she literally didn't make a sound that whole time. I was truly amazed, and I can honestly say that I'm now a big fan of Ferber, as hard as it was in the beginning. I just still have to figure out naps, but I'm hoping our appointment at the Boston Children's sleep clinic, which was run by Ferber himself until he retired recently, will help with that. It's coming up a few days after Labor Day.

G'night!