I'm done.

I'm over it.

SO. FUCKING. OVER. IT. 

Potty training can kiss my ass.

She's back in diapers. 

What a colossal WASTE OF TIME. 

Not to mention sanity. 

We bought pull-ups on Friday, which she wore most of the weekend. She seems to not get that they're diaper-like, and is thinking of them more like underwear - that she can't pee or poop in them without making a mess on the floor. I thought this was a good thing (and still kinda do), but there are downsides. She doesn't want to make a mess, which is a good thing, but she's still having the same issue with holding her pee and poop for ridiculous amounts of time, we're still making hundreds of trips to the bathroom each day, with nothing to show for it. 

Yesterday we had lunch at a burrito place, and during lunch, we made not one but five (I think - it was at least four) trips to the bathroom. I had no choice but to just leave our food on the table and hope it was there when we got back; I just grabbed my purse each time and off we went. Well, we ran out of luck after the fifth trip - a guy was cleaning off the table when we came out of the bathroom. We had been almost finished, so it wasn't a huge deal, but Jordyn got upset. The guy did give us a new milk, since he said he realized it was almost full and hated to throw it away (but he already had). I gave Jordyn some cashews in the car. None of these bathroom trips resulted in anything.

She did pee in the potty last night. After 946 trips to the bathroom, and she was crying and asking for a diaper, and I was practically in tears myself because I felt like I was torturing her, and I didn't know what to do, and finally I think I kinda made her stay on the potty longer than she wanted, and somehow I think I might've made her laugh, and she peed. And as soon as she started to pee, she started to laugh. I think it felt SO GOOD to finally let it out. I wish she could realize that it's so much harder work to hold it in than it is to let it out! She got a sticker on her chart (two stickers gets her a prize, and she's all excited about both the stickers and the prizes, so I thought maybe this would work... nope), and was very proud of herself, and I praised her up, down, and backwards. And gave her ice cream after dinner. And I thought maybe her excitement and progress would actually last and keep progressing. No dice.

Jordyn woke up wet this morning (she'd slept in a nighttime diaper), and I changed her into a pull-up. She managed to not pee until around 2:30. I have no idea what time she'd peed overnight, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't immediately before she woke up at 7:15 (or when she woke up), because it wasn't warm when I changed her (I know, TMI). She'd made 732 trips to the bathroom between around 11:30-1:30. Some of them she'd actually sit on the potty for some period of time (usually very short), some of them she said she had to pee, but then walked into the bathroom and turned around and walked right out saying she didn't have to pee. At one point, she asked for the travel potty, so we had the toilet, the potty chair, and the tiny travel potty all lined up in there. It was completely ridiculous. A few times, I tried to keep her sitting longer when she was ready to get up, but I didn't argue when she said she didn't have to pee. I just said, "ok. Well, you're in charge of your own pee, so just let me know when you have to go" or something to that effect, to try to avoid the whole power struggle thing. She was totally doing the pee pee dance and I knew she really, really had to go, but she just. wouldn't. (or couldn't) go. She finally went to sleep for nap, and woke up an hour later soaking wet. 

Then she held it until 8:00 tonight, when she finally peed while sitting on the potty... and wearing a diaper. I told her she just needed to do the same thing she just did - open her pee pee gate and let the pee come out while sitting on the potty - just without the diaper on. It's the same thing! O.M.G. I couldn't possibly be more frustrated!!! We'd even tried the hand-in-warm-water trick, to no avail. She also really had to poop, and we went so far as to try the cut-a-hole-in-a-pull-up trick so that she could sit on the potty and poop while wearing the pull-up, without success. Finally, while reading books at bedtime, and after several trips to the potty (that may or may not have been legit; I think she may have discovered "stalling"), she told me in no uncertain terms that she wanted to pee and poop in her diaper (which she had on for sleeping). I didn't have it in me to even try anymore, I told her to just go ahead. So she stood up and pooped, right then and there. REALLY??? I went and got the little potty chair, brought it into her room, and tried to get her to sit on it - fully clothed and diapered - and just finish pooping while sitting down, to get used to the feel of it. She resisted, but eventually sat briefly, before standing back up. I left the room and stood down the hall because I just couldn't even witness it.

I was DONE.

I changed her, we finished reading our last book, and then during cuddle time afterwards, we had a brief discussion in which it was decided that she'll go back to diapers for now, and she'll let me know when she's ready to pee and poop in the potty.

At this point, I don't even care if she DOES go to kindergarten - or college for that matter - in diapers!!