Potty Training... For Real This Time (I Think!)

There's so much to catch up on. I have this theory that I'm going to commit to posting at least once a week, but so far, I'm too intimidated by it to actually do it.

But for now... potty training.

Ugh.

I love being a mom, but this is one thing I'd happily outsource if I could. It's soooooo frustrating, and then you can't let that frustration show because that makes it worse. And of course, I have let that frustration show, and it made it worse, and then we backtracked, and now I just don't even know where we are with it.

Did I say "ugh"?

Jordyn has had the physical readiness signs for potty training for a while now. Months, even. But she wasn't at all interested. Sure, she'd occasionally sit on the potty, but nothing ever happened, and she'd stand up and say she was all done, and I would just matter-of-factly say, "ok, maybe next time".

Then, on Friday night, she said something about underwear. She has a stack in her drawer that she knows about, and there's a Minnie Mouse pair that she's been wanting to wear, that I've mentioned a couple of times might not fit her if she isn't ready to wear it soon. I don't even remember what she said, just something about underwear. I said, "you want to wear underwear? ok!". It was totally, 100% spontaneous. I mean, it was evening, after bath, and we were putting on her pajamas. Who, in their right mind, puts their child in underwear for the very first time at bedtime?!?

Me, apparently. Up until now, my thought had been - and I'd told Jordyn - that she could wear underwear after she peed in the potty. The pee in the potty had to come first, so as to "earn" the underwear. But somehow, it switched around so that I put her in  underwear first, thereby requiring her to pee in the potty to avoid making a mess. Hmmm. I'm honestly not sure which plan makes more sense, or maybe it just depends on the kid.

Anyway, I figured she actually had a decent chance of being successful, since she's been waking up dry most mornings for a while now.

And she was! Totally dry Saturday morning. Except then she didn't pee when she first woke up. I forget now if she refused to sit on the potty or did but didn't pee. I think she may have sat a few times without peeing, and then she finally did, but I think it was a couple of hours or so after waking up.

She wore underwear until nap time, at which point I tried to get her to sit on the potty and pee again before going to sleep, and she refused. She cried (actual crying, with real tears), arched her back and refused to sit on the potty, and asked for a diaper. Now, everything I'd heard said once you start with underwear, you're not supposed to go back to diapers. So, I tried to keep her in underwear, and I tried to get her to pee, but it was crazy - she was so upset. I think she was just tired and couldn't deal with it. Eventually, I gave in and put her in a diaper, and thought, oh well, we're just not really there yet.

But she woke up dry from nap, and we headed to a birthday party that afternoon, with her still in a diaper. At one point, she came out of a bouncy house thing, ran up to me, and said she needed to pee. OMG! I literally grabbed her and ran out the door of the room we were in to the bathroom. Lo and behold, her diaper was dry, and she peed in the potty! Boy, did I throw a party! I totally wasn't expecting that - I figured she'd just go in her diaper, since she had one on. So, I had renewed energy for this!

She was dry the rest of the day, and I think she peed on the potty again before bed. She chose to wear underwear to bed, and woke up dry again on Sunday! But Sunday morning, she again refused to pee when she first woke up, and ended up having an accident a couple hours later. She was pretty upset, and I think shocked that it happened. I gave her lots of reassurance, told her it was ok, that it was part of the learning process, everyone has accidents when they're first learning to pee on the potty, etc. I started to clean up the puddle on the (hardwood) floor, and she offered to help! We went to my parents' house for a late breakfast and then took them to the bus station since they were headed to NY. Jordyn was so proud to pull down her pants and show off her underwear to Nana and Grandpa!

I think she peed once on the potty during the day on Sunday, and then we had LOTS of trips back and forth to the bathroom in the evening. She kept saying she had to go, but then would sit and not go, and then say she had to go again literally a minute later. She was totally doing the pee pee dance, and this went on forever!! Finally, we went upstairs, and she sat on the potty (by "potty" I mean toilet, because she prefers the actual toilet to the little potty chair, although we have one of those, too), and she wanted me to hold her, so I kneeled in front of the potty and leaned over to hug her. She ended up peeing while she was leaning back a little, and somehow, I got pee all over me! I was sort of surprised, because, I mean... she's a girl! But I guess the combination of her position and her anatomy somehow made the pee go up a little, and my shirt was soaked, and pee was dripping down the outside of the potty... What a mess! But easily cleanable, at least.

She wore underwear again Sunday night, and was dry Monday morning, but again refused to pee when she first woke up. She keeps saying she doesn't have to go, but how can that be possible?? Doesn't everyone have to pee when they first wake up, assuming they haven't peed all night? I put her in the car to go to school, still not having peed, and of course, the second we pulled out of the driveway, she said she had to pee. I'd put a waterproof crib pad thing in her carseat, but she held it til we got to school... and then some. She sat on the potty when we got there, but didn't go, and I think even tried once more a few minutes later, and still nothing. I don't get it! Anyway, I left her at school with a bag full of extra underwear and clothes, and even an extra pair of shoes. Reportedly, she had one accident during morning circle (well, yeah, she hadn't peed for around 13 hours at that point!), was slightly damp after nap, and then around 4:00, had a HUGE pee on the potty. I think she'd held it in for quite some time (maybe since around 9-9:30, when she had the accident at circle)!

After school, we had to go grocery shopping, and we made not one, but three trips to the (gross) grocery store bathroom, with nothing to show for it. Monday night she wouldn't/couldn't pee before bed, and I was worried she'd have an accident in the middle of the night if she slept in underwear. I gave her some sort of choice like either pee on the potty before bedtime or wear a diaper to sleep, and she chose to wear a diaper, but asked if she could wear underwear underneath it. I've heard of this trick, because then at least they feel the uncomfortable wet fabric against their skin, but I kind of doubted a middle-of-the-night accident was going to be any sort of learning opportunity. But we tried it. She did, in fact, wake up wet around 11:00, and I changed her and she went right back to sleep, but didn't seem to remember that it even happened when she woke up confused about what underwear and pajama pants she was wearing this morning.

And, this morning, she again refused to pee when she first woke up, and asked for a diaper a while later, and eventually peed in it. She wore a diaper most of the day, except for a brief period when we were outside and she was wearing a bathing suit, and it was soon after she'd peed, so I was pretty sure she'd be fine, anyway.

Meanwhile, have you noticed I haven't mentioned poop at all? She hadn't pooped once this whole time, since Friday evening before she first put on underwear! I was getting more and more concerned about this, which is partly why I gave in so easily to a diaper today, because at this point, I just wanted her to go, regardless of where. She did, just after lunch, and chose to put on a diaper again afterwards. I think she did sit on the potty once or twice, with a dry diaper, but didn't pee, and a couple of times she said she needed to pee, but then as soon as she walked into the bathroom, she turned and walked right out again, and said she didn't need to go. Soon after that, she asked if she was wearing a diaper, and as I was asking her what she thought (she's always asking questions she knows the answer to), she said, "I have pee", which is what she says when her diaper is wet and she wants to be changed. Ugh. I told her she could have put all that pee pee into the potty! She requested another diaper.

But then wanted to wear underwear to bed! She did comply and sat on the potty a few times throughout her bedtime routine, but never peed, and I'm somewhat anticipating an accident tonight, since she last peed around 6:00. But you never know, since she held it 13 hours the other day!

She's told me multiple times that "it's hard" to pee and poop on the potty. I've told her I know it is right now, but that she's still learning, and doing a great job, and I'm here to help her... I don't know. She's so back and forth. I feel like she was really successful very early on, but has consistently backtracked since then. So WTF do I do now?? She said she wants to wear underwear to school tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. And actually, I do know what I need to do now. At some point, I need to have her go to all underwear, all the time, cold turkey. And I need to use incentives. I've tried a couple little things, but randomly. Like tonight, when she wanted to read a third book before bed, and our usual routine is two, I told her if she went pee on the potty, I'd read her a third book. She tried, but wasn't successful. I need to figure out what her currency is (I think m&ms would work, but I so don't want to do that!), and maybe make a chart where she earns it with 3 pees on the potty, or something. And I definitely need to end the power struggle, which I think it most definitely has been at times, especially when I lose my shit and show my frustration.

It's a work in progress, I guess.

But I love that she sometimes calls underwear "unders". :)