And I, embarrassingly, got teary-eyed as soon as I hit the "submit" button and saw that my order was complete. And I was like, "Wow. This is Really Happening. I'm Really Doing This!".
And, "Wow, donor #xxxxx is actually likely going to Father My Child. Well, no, not "father", but, well, you know what I mean! And wait, WTF, I'm going to have a CHILD?!
A few days ago, I was joking around with someone about how I may not be "trophy-wife material", I may not be the hot girl who's going to get to date or marry the Really Hot Guy... but I can still have his child! Ok, maybe you had to be there. But it was pretty funny at the time. I looked my donor's childhood pics, and he's just SO cute and adorable, and I can totally see how he could have grown up to be a Really Hot Guy. And I don't think there's really any harm to allowing my head to think that if it wants to. I'm pretty sure by the time my kid has turned 18 and (maybe) wants to meet him, the picture will long have faded from my mind and will have been replaced by many, many pictures of my actual child!
Is this Buying Sperm process such a big deal to anyone else, or am I just a total nutcase all on my own over here?!
The selecting and buying the sperm was a big deal for me, but it was interesting, as soon as I bought it, and especially as soon as I did my first IUI (which resulted in Fiona), I really did not think about the donor at all. And especially now that the girls are here I rarely think of the donor. I guess the real flesh and blood kids keep my mind occupied. I would probably think of the donor's characteristics more if my kids had traits very different from my own. But so far they both look a ton like me, and Fiona's personality is very similar to mine. At your stage of the game, though, I think it's very understandable to have a little freak out time when the donor decision has just been made. Congrats on moving forward!
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