Revelation

I know it's Sunday, but no, the title of this blog entry has nothing to do with religion. :)

Earlier today, I went to a good friend's first baby's first birthday party. It was a whole big to-do, with a theme (farm animals), a big cake for everyone to eat and a special individual smaller one for the birthday boy, lots of people, lots of kids, lots of food, etc.

Every single person there was there with someone else, either a husband, boyfriend, fiance, their child(ren), etc. Except for me, of course. And normally this would make me very upset and make me feel like the odd woman out, sad, depressed, "why does everyone else get to have what I want and I don't?", etc, etc, etc. And sometimes I even avoid these types of events for that reason, or at least leave early.

Not today. And I didn't realize it until I was on my way home, when I had my Revelation. Which was... I think I'm more ok being in the position I am (single and childless) because I'm on the road to becoming an SMC. Even when I was supposedly "on the road" to finding a husband because I was playing the dating game didn't feel like I was really "doing something" to change being single and childless, I think because I couldn't really control it. I couldn't MAKE myself find the right man for me, and after trying for so long, it felt hopeless. But I CAN make a baby! (at least, I can unless and until proven otherwise!)

So I wasn't sad today. I did recognize the fact that I was literally the ONLY person who came alone, but it didn't bother me, because I'm on the path that I'm on. I'm DOING something about being where I am, and that feels GOOD! Next time I'm at a party like that, I'll hopefully at least be pregnant, or maybe already have a baby. But knowing that I'm in control of changing my situation, and that I'm actually doing something about it besides checking out the prospects on match.com every once in a while, feels awesome.

Later today, I went to my local SMC meeting. And recounted this story. And felt like I was in the right place, doing what I was supposed to be doing. And that really does feel awesome!