Conversation with a Sperm Donor

I happen to know and be friends with a former sperm donor. Actually, he's my ex-boyfriend, but although he's now married with one child and one on the way, we've been friends since soon after we broke up in... wow, 1996? Holy shit, I'm old!

Anyway, I called B up back when I first decided to become an SMC using donor sperm, and again a couple of weeks ago to talk about his experience as a sperm donor. NOT because I wanted to use his; I'd actually prefer NOT to - how weird would THAT be?! He's not for sale anymore, anyway, so it's a moot point. Two other SMCs-to-be that I know locally and I had some questions for him... So here's what I found out:

B (initial even changed to preserve anonymity - he's big on this, and even though he doesn't know about this blog, I'm taking no chances!) donated when he was approximately 19-21 years old and in college (As an aside, I do remember going to the sperm bank with him once, NOT to donate, but for some blood work or to drop off paperwork or something.). He doesn't really remember how he came across it, but he really liked hearing and realizing that if a couple (or single) wanted a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. child, they could use the same donor and have full siblings. While he's not a donor-conceived person, his parents needed some sort of fertility help to have children. He realized he wouldn't be here if not for medical/fertility help for his parents, so he felt he could give back by being a sperm donor.

When I asked if he had any regrets, B said the only thing he doesn't like is that donors and recipients are given the same number (at least at the bank where he donated). He donated as an anonymous donor, and this was before the internet was around (or at least before it was big and widely-used), but he still didn't like that the number was the same. He feels as though it's too easy to find out too much. A while ago, he read or saw something about confidentiality having been breached in terms of anonymous sperm donors due to the internet, and he heard about the DSR. He went to the DSR site as he was exploring this confidentiality breakdown, and saw that his number was posted and people were looking for him. He wasn't looking for kids, but now he knows that they're out there, since he was given the same number as the recipients. (Another aside: I don't know how much sense it makes that he went to the DSR to "explore the confidentiality breakdown" and managed to look up his own number, not wanting to find out about any kids, but whatever, that's what he said.). I did ask if he's ever considered contacting the people who are looking for him, and he said he's thought about it, but hasn't done it, but might at some point in the future - he just doesn't know. But he does know he has multiple kids out there, and he didn't really want to know that.

The most telling/interesting part of our conversation was this: He made some minor changes from the truth in what he told the sperm bank. In other words - he lied. Not about anything big or important, but about more minor things like his exact date of birth (But wouldn't they have needed to see his driver's license or something?? Is it really that easy to lie about something like this??). I questioned him on this, because the internet didn't really exist, so why would he even have thought to do this? He said he's always had a paranoia about this type of thing. So although he didn't tell me his donor number (and I didn't ask), I can't find him on the DSR by description, because I don't know what changes he made to it. I do know what sperm bank he used, so I tried to find him (just to see!), but I can't. So that makes me wonder exactly what things he DID change, and more to the point, how many other donors do this? Especially now that the internet exists and is so widely-used, I wonder how many donors "change the facts" just enough to make it more difficult to be discovered, at least among the ones who want to be truly anonymous.

He did say that for a while, the sperm bank contacted him to get medical updates, but that it hasn't in a long time (maybe because he doesn't have any product left on the shelves?). At one point, there was some sort of medical problem with a pregnancy or birth, that the doctors thought could potentially have come from him. He was tested for whatever the issue was and was negative (and his family history is also negative for it), but there was some sort of legal issue going on, and the bank decided not to sell his sperm anymore (probably due to a lawyer suggesting it). So, that says something good about his bank, that they didn't just keep selling him regardless of a potential issue, even though B sounded kind of annoyed in telling the story, because he's 100% positive the issue wasn't connected to him at all.

Anyway, I just thought it was interesting to get a sperm donor's perspective on it. I know there's been a lot in the media lately, with the large sibling groups and things, but it was cool to just be able to call B up and ask him my questions. And I knew he wouldn't mind. A nice guy. And he's cute, too. The parents of his kids used a good donor, in my opinion!