Overdoing It

I'm definitely overdoing it. All I want to do is sit on the couch and watch tv, or sleep, and do absolutely NOTHING.

First I was in Vermont for Thanksgiving, then I was home for three nights and two days and then went to NY for three days. Then I was home for a week and then went to volunteer at a camp (hereafter known as "CS") in Maine (not so much a camp as a retreat, so yes, they run some sessions in all seasons) for families with a child with cancer. I've been volunteering there for 10 years, and absolutely love it. So, it was a fun weekend, and NY was fun, and Vermont too, for that matter, but I'm just SOOOO exhausted and tired of traveling. It's time to stay home for a while.

And yesterday the nausea kicked in. Yes, while at CS. Right after lunch. So I thought maybe it was that I overate, or just the camp food. But no, it persisted for the rest of the day, and it's back today. It's weird nausea, though, not the kind where you feel like you're going to throw up and need to be within 10 feet of a bathroom at all times. More like nausea without that part (is that even still the definition of nausea??). So, I'm functional, and still eating, for the most part (although maybe less than usual), but it's really annoying.

My roommate at CS was ANS, who's a friend I've known for several years, and she's 34 weeks pregnant. It was funny to wake up in the morning and share what times we'd each been up to pee, read through a pregnancy book together, etc. And I asked her some pregnancy-related questions, and she gave me a few tips.

Today I rushed home from CS so I could change and get to the monthly SMC meeting of my local chapter. Since it's December, it was a potluck, and a swap of all things fertility, maternity, baby, and child. I felt bad that I had nothing to contribute to the swap, but I got a few maternity clothes, a couple of gender-neutral baby items, an infant bathtub, and some books. It was really fun looking through everything and actually being at a point where I had a need for some of the maternity and baby stuff (well, not so much a "need" quite yet, but still...).

I have no idea how to figure out maternity clothes. I guess maybe I'm just not close enough to needing them yet. Someone at the meeting told me you just buy your regular size, but in maternity. Well, something tells me that by the time I really need to wear maternity clothes, I'm not going to be the same size I am now! I'm 99% sure I'm going to be one of those people who doesn't just gain a baby, but who gets FAT from head to toe. I know how my body works, and how quickly I tend to gain weight. So how do I know that just because I wear a size 12 now, that I'll still wear a size 12 in maternity clothes?? I took a few things home, and then immediately tried them all on, to find that many of them fit. Yes, NOW. Yes, already. And no, I'm not showing yet. But I have a little bit of a gut (maybe more than a little bit?), and I'm pretty sure I already look much more pregnant than I already am. Where does that fat go when the baby moves up into my abdomen? Am I going to add a baby to what's already there? Ugh. Do I have to wait to feel movement until I can feel it through the fat?? Gross.

Last night (well, this morning really), I woke up at 4am to pee. I didn't want to get out of bed, so I tried to tell myself that I'd pee when my alarm when off at 7:40. No dice, I had to go. Back in bed, I couldn't fall back to sleep. As I was lying there getting frustrated that I seemed to be wide awake (yet exhausted) and not being able to fall asleep, I suddenly realized that I was STARVING. I tried to ignore it, telling myself I'd eat breakfast at 8:30 and not eat in the middle of the night, like a normal person, but it was such intense hunger that I just couldn't ignore it. I mean, I was lying there TRYING to ignore it, but meanwhile wondering what was going to be for breakfast. This hunger was actually keeping my up, I think. So finally I got up and ate three saltine crackers standing there in the dark, to take the edge off. I've been toting those crackers on every trip I've been on lately, waiting for the nausea. And now I didn't need them for the nausea so much as the HUNGER. I finally fell back to sleep somewhere around 5, I think.

It's no wonder I'm so completely exhausted. Too bad I have to work a 12-hour day tomorrow. :(