A Date and a Doppler

Yes, a date. No, not a due date. An actual date. With a man.

Why, you're probably asking?

Very good question.

I have a profile on a free dating site called Plenty of Fish. Since it's free, I haven't bothered to take it down, but when I got a couple emails saying "so and so wants to meet you!" a few weeks ago, I decided to edit my profile. I added a little part at the very bottom, saying "Edited to Add: You should know that at almost 37, I've decided to take the plunge and have a baby. Yes, sans partner. So if you're cool with that, great, but if not, best of luck with your search!"

I figured that should do the trick!

Nope, not really. I still occasionally get the "so and so wants to meet you!" emails, but I'm pretty sure those guys haven't read my whole profile. But then I got this one email from this guy who said he liked my profile and thought we could be a good match. I checked out his profile and was actually pleasantly surprised. So I wrote him back and directed him back to my profile to make sure he'd read that new last section and was aware that I'm pregnant. He replied that he'd already read it, and said "I admire your openness about it. But I see no harm in talking and maybe even meeting. If nothing else, we might be friends."

So, while I've had absolutely NO intention of dating while pregnant, I decided it would be worth meeting him. He sounded like a nice, intelligent, successful, interesting man, who was aware of my pregnancy and fine with it. So we planned to meet for coffee (read: tea) last Sunday.

First of all, he called the night before and asked if I wanted to reschedule since it was going to be very cold the next day. WTF?! We live in New England, it's January, and yes, it's cold. Now, the following day WAS going to be the coldest day of the winter so far, but still... it's not like we had planned a picnic! If there had been a blizzard or snowstorm forecast, ok, fine, let's reschedule. But it was going to be a nice, sunny, simply cold day. No, I didn't want to reschedule. (Maybe he did?? But he declined when I asked.)

About five minutes in, he said something about being frank, and that my pregnancy "concerned" him (I'm pretty sure that's the word he used). I was immediately confused. I mean, I only decided to meet up with him AFTER being completely open and honest and making sure he was aware I was pregnant. So, why was he wasting both of our time? And then he asked me why I'd decided to get pregnant on my own. No problem - fair question, and one I can easily answer. But he didn't seem to "get it". He said he's 42, also wants children of his own, that he's not looking to date around, but that he wants to settle down and have a family, and that he's also getting old. Does he not realize that male fertility doesn't have an expiration date the same way female fertility does?? Regardless, he all of a sudden didn't seem nearly as ok with me being pregnant as he had made it sound initially.

I can't say there was any hint of chemistry on my part, but I'm not sure there was on his part, either. I mean, I think he might've been interested had I not been pregnant (he complimented me on my looks and seriously thought guys must strike up conversations with me all the time, like on public transportation and things - WTF - I don't think that's EVER happened to me!), but I think we each had the same/opposite issue with each other. Namely, he's too old-fashioned for me, and I'm too independent for him.

Get this. When we left the coffee shop, he insisted on walking me to my car, even though he was parked in the complete opposite direction. And there wasn't a parking lot - we had both parked on the street fairly far apart from each other. It WAS quite cold, and he'd left his gloves at home. There was also absolutely NO reason he needed to walk me to my car - it was broad daylight, there were plenty of people around, and it's a safe area. And not only did he insist ("I was raised right"), he also put out his arm so that I had no choice but to link my arm through his.

I felt ridiculous.

I'm not against this as a concept, but with someone I just met for coffee for an hour? Nope, not necessary or comfortable! Yes, I realize it was a very nice thing to do, and he meant well. It just felt weird to me.

So he walked me to my car, and part of the way there, he said, and I quote... "It's a good thing I'm walking you to your car! What if a bad man jumped out..." at which point I interrupted with something like, "Oh, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself! I've been single for a long time, and gotten plenty independent, plus it's broad daylight out! I could see maybe if it were 2:00 in the morning!". He was kinda quiet after that. I think I insulted his manhood. I honestly didn't mean to, I mean, I know guys like to feel "manly" and important and like they can save their womanfolk and all that. But seriously? It was a bit much for me.

Haven't heard from him, and I'm completely fine with that.

I think maybe I really was just meant to do this on my own all along!

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In other news, I ordered myself a doppler. I realized a few days ago that I REALLY needed to hear the heartbeat, to know all was well, it was still real, still happening, and I don't just feel like complete crap for nothing. It had been about a week and a half since the appointment where I'd heard the heartbeat, and I don't have an ultrasound until tomorrow (I'm SO excited for the first look inside at the kid!!). I knew I had no way to hear the heartbeat right then and there, but I decided I'm just neurotic enough that having a doppler will be helpful throughout the pregnancy. So, for $53 and free shipping, I decided it was worth it to order a doppler, and I did. I don't have it yet, and the ultrasound is tomorrow (early risk assessment/nuchal translucency scan), so it won't help with this current "need", but I think I'm going to really like having it in the future.