Ok, seriously, this just can't go on.
It's not even just irritability anymore, it's a really bad damn mood and LOTS of tears.
The teariness has GOT to go.
For one thing, it's making me very nervous about the possibility of post-partum depression. If I feel the way I do right now after the baby is born... OMG. I'll never make it. And I really don't want to be one of those crazy, psychotic moms who drowns her kids in the lake or something. Am I making too much of this? Maybe. I don't know.
But at the rate I'm going, I'm going to be put on anti-depressants literally the minute the baby is born. And possibly before, if I were willing to take them. Which I'm not.
It definitely comes and goes. Sometimes I'll be ok for a while, usually when I'm distracted with something. But then, out of absolutely nowhere, something totally stupid will set me off again with the tears, the horrible mood... And sometimes it's just really hard to snap out of it. And I can't exactly be at work and keep tearing up! The "I have a cold" excuse when I'm sniffling and my eyes are red can only last so long. Except I really do have a cold right now, so there's that... And it's hard to fake being all happy and "up", since my job entails being around people nonstop, not to mention kids.
I'm just really annoying myself. I want to crawl out of my skin. Or under a rock. And just sleep until the baby is born, or until this passes.
But I can't sleep. Not well, not really. It's annoying to fall asleep at 1:30 or 2:00am and wake up at 7:00 or 7:30 and not be able to fall back to sleep. I'm SO tired. And I know, I know - If I think I'm tired now, just wait.
And that's just it. I can't imagine feeling like this indefinitely. If being this tired and bitchy and teary-eyed is what it means to have a baby, well then why am I having a baby??
Sorry.
That's just what goes through my mind every once in a while. I just kinda feel "stuck".
Is this normal??? I mean, how much of this falls under the "normal pregnancy hormones" category, and when does it cross a line into something else?
And why was I totally fine for so long, emotionally-speaking, and then all of a sudden have this crap hit me this past week? Some sort of weird hormone surge? Is that supposed to be happening at this point? I thought it was supposed to be worse earlier, and then level out. I guess I need to ask my midwives about this, but I guarantee I won't be able to do it without crying.
I guess my point is... If this is supposed to be such a "happy time", then WHY ISN'T IT???
But... just to try to end on a positive note... I'm getting a prenatal massage on Tuesday night. I'm using my sister's massage therapist who comes to your house with her massage table, so you don't even have to go anywhere. NICE. I can't wait!! I'm hoping it'll help me relax, destress, and maybe even be able to sleep better.
Oh poor you!
ReplyDeleteNo this isn't normal. And yes, you should talk to your midwives about it. And maybe even talk to a psychiatrist, if you can find one comfortable with pregnant women (impossible, in my opinion. my GP was better than any psych I talked to.)
don't assume you need meds, and don't assume you can't have them, either. there's some very safe ones out there. but let someone else take some responsibility for you, like a professional. and don't forget to mention the sleep issues! they can be a symptom of depression. or of pregnancy (though i slept great while pregnant, so it doesn't mean you CAN'T sleep well while pregnant). but it can also CAUSE depression-like symptoms! so maybe you just need a sleep aid.
regardless, please talk to someone right away. and it's FINE if you cry! you feel bad! you're supposed to cry! and they've seen it before, with pregnant women especially!
please let me know how it goes.
(Your posts haven't been showing up in my blogroll, or whatever it's called, so that's why I haven't been responding. And yes, let's get together this summer! Only can you email me, because I don't know how to find your email address.)
Oh, Abby, thank you!! Things have gotten a lot better. My parents were in town, which helped somewhat, and then I was out of town for a conference for a few days, which seemed to really help snap me out of it. Maybe I just needed to get away. And I'm going away again this from Thursday to Sunday for a completely FUN trip with my dog, so that'll be good. It didn't help that my prenatal massage got canceled, but I'm hoping to reschedule it when I'm back in town. I'm sleeping a lot better, which is also probably helping - I agree, it's a vicious cycle.
DeleteI'll try to find your email address. I'd love to see you and Calliope again, and for you to meet my little girl once she arrives! :)