The Great Doula Search

A couple of months ago, I contacted about four doulas from the list my midwives gave me, either through email or through the "contact" page of their website, and never heard back from any of them. It kind of turned me off, and I wasn't sure whether to try to contact the same people again or not. So then I just completely ignored the issue for a while.

But then I realized it was really time to get a doula hired, and had to re-broach the subject. I took a different tack. I posted on a local town's parent listserve that I'd joined, asking for recommendations for doulas (and pediatricians, but that's another post, and I haven't even followed up on that project yet!). I contacted a few, and ended up speaking on the phone with two people. One was a doula named Stacey, and while she seemed very knowledgable and had a lot of experience, it just seemed so "businesslike", and something about the conversation just kind of turned me off a little bit. The other was a woman named Megan, who works in partnership with another doula named Melissa. I really liked my conversation with Megan, and she sounded very laid-back and easygoing, while still knowledgeable, even though they both have less experience than Stacey. They also charge a fairly considerable amount less, which was a bonus. So, I had Megan and Melissa over for an in-person interview. This happened while my parents were here, so my mom was part of the conversation, as well. It went very well, and both my mom and I felt like we could easily work with them (only one would attend the birth, depending on what day of the week it happened on). I had their contract, and was fully intending to sign and mail it with a check before I left town this past week (for a conference)... but then came my baby shower last Sunday...

At my shower, someone asked me if I was planning on natural childbirth. I said I was going to try, but that I make no promises. My friend Keri (the one whose third baby was born 10 weeks ago and was at the shower) asked me if I had a doula, and I told her I was in the process of hiring one. Imagine my surprise when she told me that she's almost finished becoming a certified doula! And not only that, but she'll be a massage doula, meaning she's a certified massage therapist as well as a certified doula. Melissa is also a massage therapist, but Keri is a friend of mine! She's a mom from the camp I volunteer at (her oldest had leukemia, but is long in remission and doing very, very well), and I've actually had a massage from her once before. She lives about 45 minutes from me, so while I've had one massage with her, I don't see her too often and had no idea she was becoming a doula. We talked a little more about it, and she said while she'd be honored to work with me as my doula, she didn't want me to feel pressured to use her just because we're friends. But personally, I think I'm actually *more* comfortable using her, since I know her and I'm comfortable with her, than someone I don't already know.

So, a couple days later, I had a phone conversation with Keri to ask a few more questions and iron out the details, and now I'm definitely going to have her be my doula. The only thing that makes me slighly nervous is that she doesn't have anyone set up to be her back-up, since she's not fully certified and in business yet (I'll likely be either her first birth since becoming certified, or possibly her third birth of the three she needs to attend in order to get certified). If one of her kids is sick, her husband and other family can help, but if *she* gets sick, I could end up with no one. In that case, I think I'd likely end up with an epidural sooner rather than later, which honestly isn't the worst thing that could happen. But I do plan to try for natural... And what are the chances of her getting sick in the middle of the summer? I'm hoping not too high!

The best part is that since she's not certified (and likely since she's my friend), she said I wouldn't need to pay her. I'm actually slighly uncomfortable with that, and told her so, since I feel bad taking up her time and energy without giving her any compensation. So she told me to make a donation to the camp. I like that idea, but I'll also probably give her a nice gift, as well.

I like that Keri told me that she's wanted to become a doula since about 1998, but she hadn't had children of her own at that point, and she felt like she couldn't really coach others through something that she'd never done herself. So she decided to wait until she'd had her own children before pursuing doula certification. She also talked about how amazing it is to be a part of the birth of a baby, and to see a baby emerging into the world. She just sounded so passionate about it, and I loved that!

It almost seems like the less experience a doula has, the more passionate and laid-back they are about the whole process, and the less businesslike it's become for them. At least, that's been my experience in interviewing and hiring a doula.

I'm so excited to work with Keri; I almost feel just slightly less intimidated and terrified by the labor and delivery process than I was, just knowing I'll have her there to guide me through it.

Oh, and she said she has no problem kicking my mom out of the room for me if I need her to! :)