We were there. We were done, or so I thought. We were in such a good place, sleep-wise.
And now, all of a sudden, we're back to horrific sleep.
WHY?? FOR THE LOVE OF G-D, WHY?????
Actually, I think I know the answer. I think she's in a touchpoint. If you're not familiar, check out T. Barry Brazelton's work on Touchpoints. It's pretty spot-on. Basically, the theory is that kids don't develop in a linear fashion, it happens with fits and starts. Or, rather, an incline, and then a period of leveling off, then another incline, etc. And with each incline - each new big development - comes a period of other things going backwards - like sleep.
It's temporary, but it's annoying! And my big issue is while I know it's temporary, I don't know what to do in the meantime. So, while her sleep will likely go back to being good in the somewhat near future, I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it in the meantime. Do I go back to the Ferber method of sleep training? Or do I give in and let her sleep in bed with me? That's all she wants these days, is to be in my bed. Which in theory I don't mind, but in reality, it means she kicks and punches me and wakes me up all. night. long. And if I do the "wrong" thing, will that make it *not* go back to being good in the somewhat near future? Will that mess it all up? I don't want to give her bad sleep associations again, because breaking her of them was no fun for either of us. So what am I supposed to do in the meantime while she's screaming bloody murder and won't sleep (at night or for naps) unless she's in my bed with me??
My other theory is that this could have something to do with her adjustment (or lack thereof) to our new life. She's used to being away from me during the day while I'm at work, but not of me coming home in the late afternoon and putting her to bed a couple of hours later. Maybe she knows I'm there, but has missed me all day, and wants to be with me at night? And for naps? Or just some other adjustment-related issue that's affecting her sleep?
She's been screaming for over an hour now, and she's totally exhausted and needs a nap. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get her to sleep, except sleep in my bed with her. But I don't want to nap! That'll mess me up for tonight; I won't be able to fall asleep early enough, and I have to get up early for work tomorrow. And if I lay down with her until she falls asleep, then I can't leave her in my bed and come downstairs. Plus, I don't want to create me as a sleep association for her. And I don't want her to get used to sleeping in bed with me, because it really doesn't work for me - it totally messes up my sleep. So what to do??
I just can't believe we're back to this. Except that I can. And I'm exhausted. Ugh.
As someone who let my daughter into my bed when she was about five months old and, at almost three years old, haven't yet figured out how to get her out, I'm not one for advice about how to address this sleep set-back. :) However, I just wanted to say that, if you do decide to bring her in bed with you, it really is fine to get up again after she is asleep. It's just not realistic to be held hostage in bed all evening! I have a guard rail set up on my daughter's side and then just stack pillows on my side and it's a pretty good barrier. In all this time, I think she has managed to roll out of bed exactly once -- and she was just fine!
ReplyDeleteHang tough, Mama!
ReplyDeleteYes, do sleep training. In whatever fashion you prefer. But if you bring her into her bed, YES, she will not want to leave! And YES, you will not get good sleep.
YES she is reacting to all the changes. So she needs you to keep the sleep routine the same.
In the meantime, play lots of peekaboo. Wear her in the babycarrier, if you like baby wearing. Give her lots of reassurance. And lots and lots and lots of consistency. Don't keep her up/out late on a Saturday night (not saying you would). Put her down for naps at whatever time they do at daycare. Do meals the same way, every time.
This too will pass!
The good news is that sleep training gets easier with every round. The bad news is that there is never just one round. Each time there is a change -- travel, illness, change in routine -- you have to reinforce the sleep ritual again. It's so much easier (for you, to hear her cry, and for her -- lots less crying) as you go, though. I promise! I THINK that I don't have any more rounds in my future, but I've endured several. And my child ADORES her crib. When she's sad, she asks to go there. It's totally her safe zone. Despite sleep training. She also adores me. Despite sleep training. And we are both happy and well rested. The two go hand in hand!
This happened in our house about a month ago. He would go to sleep but wake an hour later and spaz out, screaming and stomping his feet. Or, he refused to go to sleep. At the time (it happened on and off for about 2 weeks) I tried multiple different things (rocking him, snuggling, offering water), but nothing really seemed to sooth him back to sleep. I thought he was really upset about something too. Finally, I realized that he was starting to realize that if he spazzed out, I would come to see what was wrong. I returned to our own version of crying it out. The first night it was nearly an hour, the 2nd was 30 minutes, the next was 10. After that he was back to just going to sleep. Actually, we are back to the old problem of I want him to stay up a little bit longer, but he is too exhausted and just wants to go to sleep!
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