Mine was first, so I'll start there. Yesterday was my first day in my new position at work. I somehow got myself out of bed at 6:00 (ok, 6:03), and jumped in the shower. My plan was get at least mostly ready before Jordyn woke up, IF she even woke up before I left. Remember how I was stressing about whether or not to wake her up to say goodbye before I left? Well, so much for that! She woke up while I was in the shower. I'd actually decided I wasn't going to wake her, because we'd gone out to dinner with a bunch of SMC families the night before after the local SMC meeting, and despite my intention to leave the restaurant early and get Jordyn to bed on the early side... it didn't happen. She ended up going to bed on the later side, after 9:00, and I told her both goodnight and goodbye, since I knew I may be gone when she woke up in the morning. So of course, she woke up at about 6:15! She cried for a few minutes while I quickly finished my shower, and when I went to get her, she didn't totally calm immediately. I actually thought she may fall back to sleep in my arms, so I sat (should I even mention I was buck naked??) in the glider (don't worry, I put a baby blanket on the seat) and rocked her for a while. She didn't fall back to sleep, of course, so then I had less time to get ready for work, while also keeping an eye on her.
Even so, I managed to get to work 30 minutes early, even with having to park off-site and take a shuttle bus to the hospital. There was next to NO traffic! I'm pretty sure it's because it was a holiday and most people were off of work (the hospital where I work decided to not have it be a hospital holiday anymore a few years ago). So I can't really gauge how long my commute will be until I do it a few more times, on days that aren't holidays. It was good that I got there early, because I had time to eat breakfast. Jordyn was with the babysitter for a couple of hours early in the morning, and then my sister took over for the rest of the day. I had the babysitter give Jordyn breakfast after I left, and since she was awake before I left, I didn't get to eat.
I'm orienting the first couple of weeks, and boy do I have a lot to learn! It was good, but a little overwhelming. My colleague and I have so much to go over, and I have to meet with so many different people about so many different things. It's amazing how completely different child life specialist positions can be in different areas of the hospital. The emergency department (ED) was so fast-paced, so procedure-focused, full of quick, down-and-dirty interactions where I'd, say, build a quick rapport, help a child with a procedure, and then be out the door in 20 minutes, never to see them again. I'd drop off coloring, a movie, or other diversional play activities to so many kids in one day I'd lose count (not that I was trying to keep count!). Dialysis, on the other hand, the kids are long-term patients; they each come in three days per week for several hours each day for at least months, if not years. I'll be able to get to know them over time, get to know their interests, their likes and dislikes, their coping needs and styles, anticipate their needs. It's a long-term, specific, chronic population, while the ED was a little bit of everything, and you never knew what any given day would bring. My colleague is giving me background and information about each of the current dialysis patients, which is just such a new concept to me (helpful, though!)!
In dialysis, we (the other chid life specialist and I) are very involved in many aspects of the patients' care. We attend dialysis review, a weekly meeting where a few patients are reviewed in all areas - their medications, their dialysis treatment plan, whether or not they're a transplant candidate, etc., and sign off on the review paperwork. We attend family meetings, we work with the social workers and psychologists around psychosocial issues, and of course we do the usual child life specialist stuff - provide activities for the patients, coordinate special programming like pet therapy, creative writing, music therapy, coordinate tutoring, etc. A lot of those things never happen in the ED, so it's a big change.
The first day was good, and we jumped right in and barely took a breath until it was time to leave. I'm a little worried that 2 weeks (which amounts to six short - 6.5-7 hour - days) isn't going to be enough, and that I'll sink rather than swim when I'm first on my own. But hopefully it'll start to feel less overwhelming once I get a couple more days under my belt. It was a good start, though.
Since yesterday was a holiday, Jordyn's daycare (which I'm now calling "school") was closed. Even so, I wanted to ease her in, and that plan started today. So today was Jordyn's first day of school! Since I forgot to take a picture, though, I'm going to consider Thursday her "real" first day of school, since that will be her first full day - hopefully I'll remember to take a picture.
This morning, Jordyn and I had our music class, and went to school afterwards, arriving around 10:45. I stayed until about noon, and then left for exactly one hour (maybe even a few minutes less). Jordyn went immediately and easily to play with the toys and interact with the kids, and was completely fine - because I was there. I sat down to go over the paperwork I'd filled out with the "teacher", Mimi, and to write her a check. Then I spent some time just hanging out and observing, but I tried not to be too hands-on with Jordyn most of the time. I wanted her to get used to being with Mimi and Jayme, one of the assistants (there are two assistants who are there on different days). Mimi's husband also dropped by, and he's also a licensed assistant, although he's not there too much. I immediately liked him - he was friendly, got right down to the kids' level and talked to them, addressed them each by name, etc. He's clearly very good with kids, and seems to care about them.
I quickly realized the timing wasn't so good for me to leave Jordyn there for the first time. It was late morning, we'd already been to music class, and Jordyn was tired. She was also hungry, and the kids at school had already had snack by the time we'd arrived. I didn't want to pull food out for Jordyn with the other kids around, so I had her wait until lunch, which was happening soon. But between being tired and hungry, I didn't feel like it was a good time for me to leave. So while I otherwise would have left a little sooner than I did, I waited until lunch had started before I left.
I gave Jordyn a kiss, put on my coat and picked up my purse, gave Jordyn another kiss, said goodbye, she said "bah" (for bye) and I left. I listened for her cry as I closed the door, and walked away and up the steps, but I didn't hear it. I wondered if it could really have been that easy, but I didn't think it possibly could have been.
I got in the car and thought, "An hour! I have an hour! What should I do?? Should I cook something for dinner? Blog? Run to the grocery store?". And then I realized that I was starving, and I needed to eat lunch while she was eating lunch. So home I went, which is literally about three minutes from school. I ended up eating a quick lunch while watching a recorded tv show, and catching up on a little email. I decided I'd cook something for dinner while she napped after I brought her home (that didn't happen - the cooking; the nap did).
When I went back to get her, the other kids were in their places for nap and some were already sleeping. The lights were off, but there was some light from the window. Mimi was cuddling Jordyn on her lap, she was crying softly, face all red. She saw me, reached for me, I picked her up, and she just wrapped her little body into mine, head on my shoulder. And stayed that way for a long time.
I melted. She was so tired and so confused. I felt horrible. Mimi said she had cried a little when I first left, but then she'd calmed down and eaten the rest of her lunch. When they started to get the kids cleaned up and ready for nap after lunch, she realized something was up and started to cry again. I almost had tears in my eyes. I knew conceptually that there would be an adjustment period, but I didn't realize the reality of how it was going to feel, for either of us. Jordyn did smile at Mimi as we left, so that helped me feel a little bit better.
But I'm not nearly as excited now as I used to be about tomorrow, when my plan is to drop her off in the morning and leave her for five hours, half a day, and to have those five hours to get some needed shopping done. I'm going to do it, because I think both of us need the "easing in" to continue in order to be able to get through this adjustment period, but it just doesn't seem like quite the "luxury' as it did.
And then on Thursday and Friday, she'll be there for full days. I really hope by then she'll have realized that Mommy always *does* come back to get her, and they won't be two miserable, long days for her. They might be miserable, long days for me, though!!
But, the first days are in the books, and that feels good. I just hope we both get settled in to our new routines soon, because this adjustment period is rough.
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In other news, an update on my friend H...
She's still in the ICU, still intubated, and now she's running fevers. The doctors found some sort of infection in her lung, so they're treating it with antibiotics and keeping her fever down with Tylenol and keeping her room on the cooler side. The bigger issue than the infection is why this whole thing happened in the first place. The team believes that her long-standing issue with her vocal chords is the root of the problem. They don't function properly, and don't let nearly enough air through, which is why she collapsed - she wasn't getting enough oxygen. It's a damn good thing she was where she was when she collapsed (the clinic in the cancer center attached to the hospital), because everyone agrees the outcome would have likely been very different had she been anywhere else. No one wants to take the chance of this happening again, of course, and so the plan is for Hailey to get a trach. See? I knew it. I called that days ago! But anyway, it should have a major impact on her health in a positive way, so it's the right thing to do. When told about the plan, Hailey was initially upset, but then asked if she could get a pink trach. :) I think she's going to be just fine. :)
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