How it All Began...

I've been thinking for a while about writing a post about how I first got started with this whole becoming a Single Mom by Choice thing. I want to have it written up for posterity, since I seem to have the memory of a goldfish... My sister got the good memory genes, not me!

So, on a related note, according to my sister, when I was somewhere in my late 20's or early 30's I once said if I was still unmarried at 33 I was going to have a baby on my own. Then, when I was 33 or close to it, I moved it up to 35. While I do vaguely remember sort of not-very-seriously thinking and talking about having a baby on my own someday, I don't remember attaching a specific age to it. And so while I kind of count that time period as part of my "thinking" phase, I wasn't seriously thinking about actually doing it, I wasn't researching or networking yet, I didn't buy and read any books yet, etc. It was just sort of this vague concept in the back of my mind that maybe I'd someday become serious about if I was in a situation to need to, which I didn't think would really happen, because I was actively husband-hunting at the time. But if someone asked me if I had children yet, and I said "no, I'm trying to find a husband first", and then they said something to the effect of "you don't really need one..." I always responded with something like, "oh, don't I know it!". And I do think at some point a few years ago I went to a sperm bank website (don't remember which one) just to check it out. I may have even found the SMC website, but didn't join or even really consider it at the time. And that's as far as it went.

Fast forward to July 12, 2011. By this time, I was 36-and-a-half years old. A woman I know and am friendly with named Christina posted a link on facebook to an article called "The Truth About Childless Women". The article is written by a woman who is, as she calls it, "circumstantially infertile"; although she always wanted to get married and have children, it just never happened for her. At the end of the article, she talks about how she's not "childless", but "childfull", and that while she's not a mother, she's maternal, because of the relationships she has with various children in her life. My comment on my friend's facebook post, after reading the article, was "THANK YOU, Christina!".

I'm pretty sure the article was supposed to make women who don't have children of their own feel better about it. It wasn't supposed to make them suddenly decide to have a baby on their own and become an SMC.

But that's exactly what happened with me. Reading the article didn't make me feel at all better about being 36 and "childless", even though my life is plenty "childfull" - I work with children, I volunteer with children, I spend time with my friends' children. I have PLENTY of children in my life, so really, this article should have made me say, "yeah! I'm not childless, I'm childfull, I AM maternal, and I'm ok with things being that way!".

But it didn't. It did the exact opposite. It made me REALLY want to have a child of my own. It made me go from "thinking" to ready to TTC in 2.6 seconds. Or at least that's what it felt like!

I started to do some research. I ordered a couple of books. I joined the national SMC, and then soon after, the local chapter. I talked to a friend of mine (who has 2 children). She was totally supportive and told me I'll make a great mother. I talked to another friend of mine, someone I work with. She was also supportive and thought it was great. So, I was off to a good start!

My head was spinning. Absolutely swimming with all the information, possibilities, decisions, etc. It still is, but now that a couple of months have gone by, it's settled down a little bit. I've told more people (maybe too many!), including my parents, sister, and brother. Everyone is on board. And with the time that's passed, I haven't wavered in my knowledge that this IS the right path for me. So here I am. :)