Mixed Signals (from my parents)

I dropped my parents off at the airport today around 2:oo, and it's just so QUIET around here! Last night at this time, my sister was over, and we were playing The Family Feud on the wii, my mom and I vs. my dad and my sister. Then my mom and sister played wii bowling, and then my mom played wii tennis while my dad drove my sister home and I caught up on reading blogs. Tonight, it's totally quiet, no one's here except me, my dog, and my cat. I'm on the couch catching up on tv and surfing the web, with only the a/c humming in the background. It's nice to get to relax a little on my last day of vacation (yes, I have to work tomorrow even though it's Labor Day, since I work in a hospital), but I miss my parents.

I do hope my parents end up moving up here. It was kind of weird this week, and I kept feeling some weird combination of guilty/frustrated/sad. As supportive as my parents have been with me going the SMC route, they sure have a funny way of showing it at times. My mom keeps saying things like, "I think between now and January [when I plan to start TTC] you should go on as many dates as you can. It would be so much easier doing this if you had someone to help you". What?? I thought THEY were going to help me! Plus we've had this conversation already - she knows full well that I wanted to have a baby with a husband, and that I've tried to find one, and I've gone over all the reasons why this is the right decision for me at this point. So why does she still insist on saying things like this?? I'm not planning to completely write off men/dating - if someone just happens to come along between now and January, great, but I doubt it, and I'm not going to put my plans on hold for someone I've been dating for a month or two.

And then my dad asks me if I want them to move up here just for financial and/or physical help (obviously them helping with child care would save me a ton of money). He asked if he and mom could set me up with some sort of regular income (I think he means a trust of some sort) to help with things, would that be enough, or did I want them here for other reasons. I told him that no, of course I don't want only the financial help, but that I want them to be a big part of my child's life, part of "the village" for my child. And that I want to be able to spend more time with them, too. I mean, I haven't lived in the same place as my parents since I left home at 18 to spend a year abroad and then to go to college. It would be nice to be able to spend more time with them as I (and they) get older, and I want them to be a big part of my child's life. And I think they want that, also. So, I didn't really understand the point of the question!

My mom also told me that my dad had said something to her about not to count on him helping out with the baby if she "overcommits" them to babysitting. And my mom asked me if I was planning to have them be my full-time childcare providers, or if not, how much I would expect them to do. Since my work schedule changes week-to-week with no consistency, I'd potentially need them to help me out on a different day each week (but only one day, probably!), and my mom didn't like that because what if she had something she wanted to commit to on the same day each week. Of course I'll work with them around this type of thing, because I certainly do NOT expect them to be at my beck and call to babysit anytime I need them! Of course they're going to have to have a social life outside of our family life! But the fact that we were even talking about these specifics at this point, when I'm not even TTCing yet, seemed ridiculous to me.

My mom kept bringing up how difficult this move was going to be, both in terms of getting their house on the market and sold, and also starting/creating a new life for themselves up here. And, how they have to come to terms with the fact that they won't have as nice of a house up here that will compare to the house they have in Tennessee. Um, guilt trip, anyone?? She's such a stereotypical Jewish mother, in oh-so-many ways!

So, I didn't know what to think or how to feel. Do they WANT to move up here, or am I somehow forcing them to against their will? Do they WANT to help out with my future child, or am I somehow forcing them against their will? I kept saying that I was feeling guilty, that I didn't want them to feel like they HAD to move if they didn't want to. My mom would say something like, no, they were never planning to stay in TN forever, it was just going to take some getting used to, etc. So I felt somewhat better, but the whole way these things kept coming up all week left me feeling kind of unsettled about it.

I'm hoping we'll end up with one of those situations where before there is an actual baby, not everyone is totally on board, but then once the baby is here, everyone will just get over it, be happy for me, love their role as grandparents/aunt/etc and everything will just work out. Is that crazy?

In other news, I POAS for the first time yesterday. No, not a HPT, just an OPK. It was negative. Negative today, too. I have a feeling I'm not going to ovulate for several more days. Today is CD10, but I was just so afraid I'd miss it that I didn't want to take a chance. It also make me feel like I'm doing something, instead of just waiting for January to get here!