Is This For Real??

On Friday I did two more pregnancy tests, the same brands that I'd done on Thursday.

And they were positive, of course.

And then today I did two more, not because I doubted I'm pregnant, but because I wanted to see if I was "more" pregnant. To see if the test line got darker on the First Response test, and to see if the cheap internet test would finally come up positive (it didn't on Thursday, and I might have tried it again on Friday, but it wasn't positive until today). I wasn't worried that the cheap one hadn't been positive (at least not that I could tell) before today, as both fancy-brand tests (First Response and Clearblue Easy) were positive on both previous days. I figured if the cheap one was positive today, and/or the test line was darker on the First Response, then that would mean my hcG was rising. No idea if this actually makes sense, as I made it up, but I figured it couldn't hurt. :)

And of course the cheap test was positive, and the line was darker on the First Response test. Yay!

And then I called my midwives office and asked to come in for a beta, which I did (I'll get the results tomorrow).

I'm not sure why, but I seem to be having a LOT of trouble realizing this is FOR REAL. That in nine months I will actually be having a baby. I mean, I'm doing all the right things, like eating healthy and making sure the goat cheese on the salad I want to order is pasteurized (learned that lesson!!), and I'm still having symptoms like sore breasts, fatigue, peeing a lot, very hungry... but it STILL hasn't sunk in.

I just read another SMC blogger's post, and found this:

SO TRUE! Yesterday was when AF would have arrived, and she didn't.

Right. She wasn't supposed to.

I think what's happening is my mind has a way of trying to protect itself. Like when I kept telling myself that the first IUI was just a "dress rehearsal", almost didn't even count, was "just practice", etc. --- So that I wouldn't have too much of an emotional letdown when it didn't work.

Right. That didn't happen.

But now I can feel myself doing it again. I should just be enjoying this time, I know, but I'm telling myself that it's WAY too early to be sure, to know if this is going to stick, that I actually WILL be having a baby in 9 months. Wait, make that 8 months. Holy shit.

Ok, so maybe it's starting to sink in a little. :)